Happy Whatever, Losers ;)

Ivy told me that I was "a hussie in high school."

She's one to talk...

Nobody can even remember all the guys she dated.

She brought up that rumor that I slept with that one guy, gotta love all the crazy rumors that were never true.

Because obviously I really was a lesbian who was having sex for drugs, and that wasn't just a rumor started by a bunch of bored guys.

*sigh*

We were all idiots.

I can't believe she thought that I slept with him.

Nonsense.

She asked me about Satan, she always does.

Ivy also asked me if I would ever leave Kuma-kun for Satan.

My first thought was to shout "fuck no!"

But for fear of waking up her baby, I gave this long speech about how in love I am.

It's true though, how that question could cross anyone's mind is beyond me.

Although Ivy said Satan and I would probably always be in each other's lives, I've heard that from so many people over the years...he still needs me though, even as a friend.

So out of sympathy, I'm still there.

Ivy showed me this show called Orange Is The New Black, it has the actress from The Slums of Beverly Hills.

I'm actually enjoying hanging out with Ivy, I missed her truly.

It reminds me of all those days I spent at her house back in high school.

When I'm an old woman with too many cats I'm going to still be drinking whiskey out of the bottle, smoking cigars, and offending all the people I possibly can...

Silly, isn't it?

But the old Russian chef in this show is exactly how I want to be when I'm old.

Ivy and I went on an adventure today...actually I got us lost and we ended up an hour away from where we should've been.

My friends are crappy drivers, but so am I.

I'm not even really sure how we got lost, but oh well.

Ivy said that she can't believe Catwoman is the one who ended up screwed up...

"No offense, but I thought it would be you," Ivy confessed to me.

How could I be offended?

We all thought I would be the one who ended up with my life in the gutter.

I'm officially an aunt...Ivy is a really great mom.

She's been really sweet, sometimes I don't even think she realizes that sometimes she's a bitch to people.

Ivy is pretty much maternal and nice, but super judgmental.

And I'm really tired, more on my pointless adventures later.

Oh! And Ivy bought me a new barbell for my Monroe.

Remember when I said that "sometimes a guy just needs someone to hold on to, and sometimes it's okay to be that girl."

Still true.

And remember when I said Ivy was our doorway into suburbia?

Also still true.

Really, I shouldn't be weird about sex...

I shouldn't be weird about relationships, I shouldn't be weird about anything.

Because it doesn't make sense to be stressed out about stupid shit.

I'm still watching the show from the other day, and I'm gonna cry.

Because now I know what it's like for your family member to be locked up...rehab and jail are remarkably similar.

And I know that feeling of saying goodbye and watching people in uniforms confiscate shoelaces.

I can't think about this anymore...because it's still a fresh wound.

I certainly have been through Hell.

Zooey Deschanel was supposed to be aloof in 500 Days of Summer.

People just don't get shit...

And where am I today?

I've found me, and lost life.

More on my epiphany later...

I just spoke to Mister J, I guess the cats ate all my notebooks full of writing.

You weren't hallucinating, I said ate.

Vari is a demon-cat....like seriously how did I raise a Tasmanian devil?

We got frozen yogurt and they had mochi!

'Nuff said.

People actually say that.

When I Come Around was on the radio, it's still my favorite song, and I can still play it on the guitar.

I miss playing guitar and writing songs, I miss painting, and photography...what happened to my life?

How did I get so absorbed by my depression that I forgot about everything I love?

Southern Boy and I spent the whole night discussing Star Wars and comics.

I do love in depth analyses of things...

Kuma-kun's friend is really sweet, I suppose she's going to need her own nickname if she ends up in this blog.

Kuma-kun still isn't really talking to me...so he's not going to get any less busy and we have to deal with it if we want it to work.

*sigh*

I had no idea how difficult this whole thing would actually be...lovely, isn't it?

Keep telling myself that it's worth it.

Because it is, right?

That's rhetorical.

'Cause I fucking love him.

And when we met he said that he would give me back everything that I put into this.

So I've decided to open myself up to trusting someone.