Hello, Dragonbait

Passages from books get stuck in my head a lot.
Today...
Is simply just another day.
A certain someone said, "tonight is not special!!!"
Last night this happened, in an attempt to make me feel better.
I think my friend with the cat puns did better at it.
But I guess it was just another night.
Oh, pessimism, how I loathe thee.
I'm sure I have something to do on this day...
On this first day of a clean slate.
I don't remember what I'm supposed to do with all these blank pages.
There are no more koi ponds and salty ocean breezes to write about...
I still have a little bag of sand from my favorite beach.
Without the ocean, my soul feels as if it has died.
I'm slowly crawling out of my year long depression...it's never been this bad before.
Things are working out though, actually everything is working out.
All the things I have been complaining about all these months, are busy fixing themselves.
But as always I'm a skeptic, a cynic; and I will question everything.
And the waiting...
How idleness makes me crazy...
And, I swore off dating, only to have someone perfect fall into my lap.
I know there's no such thing as perfect, but he seems like everything I've ever wanted or needed.
Hope I don't scare him off.
*laugh*
Pretty girls can only have so much crazy before they're....erm, crazy.
The universe is trying to prove me wrong.
"If the perfect guy showed up on my doorstep I would still turn him down."
I literally said that before we met.
I guess my willpower isn't strong enough, because here I am enthralled with being enamored.
Truthfully, I never felt this way about Satan.
After all those years of my undying, one-sided love...
It never felt like this.
Like needing someone...
Someone who makes you want to be a better person.
He's wonderful, and that is an understatement.
All the things that other guys have done to make me feel bad, he constantly surprises me by doing the opposite.
I don't know how this happened.
Because I swore I would be alone, "Cat Lady in Training".
Maybe it's meant to be, maybe this gets to be easy for a change.
But that little voice in my head is terrified of another broken heart.
It's been almost six years since I met Satan, and I remember all those days he made me cry.
I remember what it's like to have that dull pain in your chest and the sick feeling in your stomach.
I'm terrified of love.
Falling too fast, too deeply into all this is not a great idea.
But I swear I hear this guy's voice and I can't help but trust him.
Instantly all my walls just stopped existing, where did my cool demeanor go?
The one I reserve for every guy who starts to have feelings for me...
I've been known to instantly "friend-zone" people, but what happened?
Maybe this is my "middle-ground".
Besides this is the first guy who's actually treated me like a person.
I mean between all the guys who thought I was some otherworldly princess and the guys who saw me as a living sex doll...it's nice to be acknowledged as a human being.
What a ridiculous complaint, but if you had been there you would know it to be true.
"Whatever happened to the golden ball?"
We never actually found out.
My favorite book right now is Still Life With Woodpecker by Tom Robbins.
He teaches us how to make love stay.
I remember a long time ago I couldn't figure out how to prove you love someone, I think that's because it's supposed to come naturally.
If I could be doing anything right now?
I would be having my famous "Whiskey Breakfast".
I want to find the "middle-ground" of my own personality.
There are so many things that could be said at this moment...
But I'll opt for a quick farewell, as long as we promise to meet again in this new story.