But Mister J taught me to be aloof, standoffish; he taught me to keep my feelings in check.
This is why the only thing that I have trouble talking about is my emotions.
Ask me my opinion on environmentalism, drugs, cars, art, human rights, animal activism...no problem.
Ask me how I feel?
You'll get an aloof smile, possibly a small laugh, a cookie-cutter response, maybe a change of subject.
Because this has worked for me in the past, because my friends are all guys and guys don't like emotions.
I don't remember how to be honest about what I'm thinking or feeling, it's something that I have a lot of trouble with.
This is why I write...so that I don't fall victim to passive-aggressive tendencies.
Like ignoring all my own thoughts and then flipping out, normally ending with me throwing shit.
Luckily I grew out of that habit, but I still have a difficult time with emotions...
I turn them off sometimes, because I can't deal with them.
Satan told me I'm lucky that I can turn off my emotions, I disagree with that.
It's a bad habit, an unhealthy way to live.
A habit that I'm trying unsuccessfully to break.
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