I'm pretty sure some chick accidentally burned my hair with a cigarette last night...
We ended up at that one apartment complex that I spent Fourth of July at a few years ago.
I don't remember much clearly, but my hangover finally subsided.
We drank on the pier...just like we used to.
Under the stars with the cool ocean breeze...
The sea is black satin at night, I can't believe I know people who have never been to the beach.
Nobody believed that I grew up in OB, but no matter how old I get I'll always be reppin' 1502.
I remember when the health food co-op was a one story building with beeswax candles hanging from the ceiling, I remember back when the hostel was a pizza place, and before the abandoned theater became a tourist souvenir shop...
I could walk those streets blindfolded, apparently not actually...
I kept getting lost last night.
It used to be that every time I would close my eyes I would be homesick for Voltaire Street, now I can't even remember where Starbucks is.
Those old familiar streets still calm me though, it's like suddenly being able to breathe again.
Home sweet home, I guess.
It's a bittersweet, love/hate relationship with my hometown.
And I guess on a similar note, Ivy was remembering Nixy the other day.
I wonder how she is...and memories of that pointless afternoon flashed through my mind.
I wasn't even paying attention to the fact that Ivy was into Nixy, because I was so in love with Satan.
*laugh* he was carrying me across the gravel and it was raining.
And then we all stole helium balloons from the church...
How did we all get to this point where we all hate each other?
Ivy hates Satan and is married to someone that she constantly complains about...
Satan stopped speaking to her, because she had a baby.
The Jester won't talk to Catwoman, because she's acting like an idiot.
I could go on like this, but what happened to those days when we couldn't wait 'til 2:15pm so we could all blaze together?
I used to spend more time passed out on Catwoman's floor than I did sleeping in my own bed...
It doesn't matter.
The past is long gone.
Kingpin said this year would be good because we'll have adventures together.
We spent the whole night telling each other all our crazy stories.
The question now is if I want to have any more adventures.
Sure, hanging out in a random house with people doing K and getting crossfaded is one thing....
But do I want those types of adventures that I used to have?
Do I want dabs and bottles of Wild Turkey, and another afternoon where I wake up with no recollection of the previous night?
I haven't changed that much, I'm too comfortable in those situations; I make myself nervous.
It's so easy to fall into things because they're comfortable.
I'd like to think that I've changed into this fantastic person, but have I?
Was my disillusionment with this lifestyle just a temporary symptom?
Maybe if I could do all this on my own terms, I could carve out my own place in that world.
A place where I could walk away from it on some nights when people's voices sound more like buzzing in my ears.
Or maybe if I could find people to get shitfaced with, who aren't stuck in the typical behavior of my former friends.
I keep thinking that if I could stay away from those places, maybe I could distance myself from the lifestyle.
It always seems to find me though...
And I find myself back on the pier with some guy who obviously has a thing for me, as we're drinking liquor out of a brown paper bag and laughing over nothing at all, as I try desperately not to look bored.
This is my life...was my life.
I don't want it to be my life anymore.
I want something different this time.
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