I was fine, until I talked to my mother.
I can't stop crying...
It's not fun to not have actual parents.
I always play it off, no big deal right?
Inside I'm a terrible mess.
Because I know that I'm alone in this world.
I've never said that Mister J is my step-dad...because he raised me.
My father hasn't bothered to speak to me since I was a kid, this added to the fact that my mother has serious mental problems...
What should I do?
Girls who have mommy and daddy issues never seem to get anywhere in life.
I'd like to change that, I'd like to think about my parents without crying.
Wish I knew how to wake up and be okay.
When it comes to my mother I always have to be the parent.
I hate it.
I've always hated it.
And someday she'll die and we'll never even have been friends.
This is why I prefer being alone...
All my fucking issues; abandonment, and never being good enough, being scared of love.
I question why I thought that adulthood would change anything, I still feel like a timid child most of the time.
Most days all I really need is a hug.
Because somehow that would make me feel okay.
Some days I would rather give up than wake up as myself.
I'm trying to become a happy person, but fighting through all this takes its toll on my mind.
It's terrifying to know that someday you could wake up and pull the trigger, without really meaning to.
Without even wanting to...
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