I've Got Everything Under The Moon

It's not a barbell, it's a labret (finally remembered what it's called).

I had an awesome title for this post, but I can't remember it...since it was two in the morning when I thought of it.

I love to drink.

Yep, I've said that a million times, but it never stops being true.

Ivy took us to see The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, it tried too hard to be indie.

Like trying to mass-produce symbolism and genuine feeling.

It gave me a good idea though...

What's stopping me from doing whatever I damn well please?

Nothing.

I could save up all my money and travel all over the world, because I don't have anyone to answer to.

Soon as I get a job I'm making this a reality.

I'm going to get what I want out of life.

Ivy's friends are so...white.

The Jester would say, "I can feel my brain cells committing suicide."

But in an effort to be a better person, I withheld judgment...and quite honestly they're pretty fun.

I'm actually enjoying this, imagine that.

So I recently rediscovered Moonphase...cat ears, vampires, and Lolita....

Does anyone else think Hazuki is adorable?

Forgot how ridiculous this one is, I'm glad my taste in anime has improved since I was a kid.

Alcohol makes me have to pee so often...curse my tiny bladder.

Satan got butt-hurt that I jokingly told him to "fuck off then."

And Kingpin and Southern Boy were both laughing at me while they were trying unsuccessfully to help me turn off my friend's tv.

(No, I can't unplug it!)

Satan is so boring when he's preoccupied...I would be ecstatic if I could live the rest of my life without reading the words "fo sho"

*sigh*

He is one of the only people I know who is as nocturnal as I am.

So my choices of people to stay up talking with me aren't that great.

Good morning.

I'm always awake before everyone, that's because I have trouble sleeping in other people's houses.

With the exception of Kuma-kun...

Why do animals always like me better than people do?

The world may never know.

I can't wait to go home, I forgot how crappy "mornings after" feel.

I'm talking about waking up on someone's floor or couch, cold and disheveled.

I think I could be hungover.....

It's okay, I just won't tell anyone.

Today we're going on base to see Ivy's husband.

Which means that I have to work my magic...

Of course one of my notorious makeovers would be perfect for the occasion.

Notorious because I've forced everyone I know to sit through them, even a few guys on occasion.

That has developed almost as much of a reputation as my ass.

I guess Ivy has introduced her friend to some of our other old friends; Catwoman, to name one of them.

"Oh! You know so and so?!"

Yes, unfortunately I sat through, what, five years of their bullshit?

I hate being asked if I know someone, because my circle of acquaintances are all.....well accquainted.

I hate being asked if I know someone, because it's likely that I do, and it's likely that I have some stupid story involving them.

I'm glad I became an introvert, I forgot how exhausting social lives actually are.

McDonalds coffee is gross, but I'm just glad Ivy got me some coffee...

All her friends are Midwestern housewives...like drives a minivan covered in "Jesus fish" housewives.

Bleh.

Then again, she does listen to bubblegum pop and doesn't believe in abortion, I guess it makes sense that this is who Ivy spends her time with.

It's not like I can actually relate to girls my own age anyway, I always find myself falling into some stupid persona.

Like I can hear my own voice change, I omit words from my vocabulary, and just end up nodding my head a lot.

I find myself thinking, "No, I have no idea what you mean. Are you an idiot?"

And then I laugh...because I'm trying to be "social"

This is why all my friends are guys who are introverted nerds.

What's wrong with me anyway?

Maybe they forgot to put the microchip in my brain that makes me act like every stereotype of an American female.

I really need to get out of this fucking country.

At some point I decided that I was too idealistic, so I became really apathetic instead.

But I honestly think the problem is that I'm surrounded by a culture void of any meaning...Americans are shallow in every way possible.

This is the whole problem with the way I relate to the world around me....I can't relate because I don't think along the same parameters.

After spending four days in a car with Ivy, I am completely confident in my driving abilities.

We almost got in at least six accidents...

She's an awful driver, but you didn't hear me say that.

And my only thoughts the entire time; "Please don't let us get stopped by cops, because I really don't want to be caught in a car with someone who doesn't have a license."

And she thinks Catwoman is a bad driver, Lord have mercy.

Catwoman isn't a great driver, but Ivy is a terrible driver.

I'm so happy that I can finally wash the baby puke out of my hair.

I've literally been covered in spit and throw-up for days...

I don't know if I'll ever have the patience to be a mother.

Well, I don't think my kids would be that hyper, I'd probably be one of those people who reads a ton of parenting books and makes my kid listen to Beethoven.

All the delivery room horror stories of catheters and epidurals scared me though.

(Ivy's friend just had another baby and we visited her in the hospital)

I'd probably have a water birth and a midwife or something, I hate hospitals...they make me a little queasy and lightheaded.

I have tons more life to live before these will even be thoughts in my mind though.

Well, I'm finally home, but I'm going to go see Ivy soon since her husband is on military restriction for the next month.