Nothing has changed.
The same songs make me cry, the same thoughts float through my mind, the same people have the same personalities.
This is why I have to leave this city.
I've been here my entire life, the streets are tainted with names and faces...memories.
The same stars have been smiling at me for years.
They know what I am, what I've always been.
*sigh*
I'm still waist-deep in bullshit and day old makeup.
I'm fighting with Mister J over my relationship with Kuma-kun...
What can I say?
I'm moving too fast in this relationship, I've turned into an airhead...?
Into something I hate because I can't control my own emotions?
That my life is a complicated mess?
I shouldn't have to adhere to Mister J's opinions, because I'm an adult?
I don't like this whole being in love nonsense, but I am in love.
And I can't fucking help it.
Who can I trust honestly?
Sometimes I can't even trust my own brain.
I'm exhausted from trying to figure out life.
What am I even doing?
Mister J liked me better without a boyfriend...
Except that I was more of a mess before, less obviously...
I'm worried about Kuma-kun too, because I think he's stressed out.
And I hate my friends.
My cats destroyed my room while I was gone too.
I'm starting to lose my grip on shit.
Mostly just dealing with the fact that I'm fighting with everyone.
Well, my family members at least.
For various reasons...
Mostly just Mister J, because of my relationship choices.
And this is why after the incident with Satan, I stopped telling him shit.
He's so judgmental.
I'm so tired of it...
He's ruined almost as many relationships of mine as I have for myself.
I can't handle it.
These kinds of nights I just want to put a 45 in my mouth, pull the trigger.
You have to fight for what you want in life though.
I just hope Kuma-kun is as serious about this as he claims...
Because I'm going through Hell for this.
It's worth it...
I hope it's worth it, I hope he honestly loves me.
Hope my doubts are just my natural skepticism.
You never can tell if a person loves you.
Life is just shades of grey, right?
Love isn't a shade of grey...
I hope Mister J is wrong.
It's not like he isn't a victim of his own bias.
I'm about ready to kick him and my mother out of my life.
Like I can do that as simply as saying it...
But can't I?
Can't I make a choice?
That Mister J has no say in what I do?
I can make my own mistakes...
Because I let him control my life for years, I let my mother's behaviour drive me to drugs.
I let Satan ruin my views of love...
I'm not sure if I'm doing this right.
But I'm trying my best with Kuma-kun, and that's all I can handle right now.
*sigh*
I'm still waist-deep in bullshit and day old makeup.
I'm fighting with Mister J over my relationship with Kuma-kun...
What can I say?
I'm moving too fast in this relationship, I've turned into an airhead...?
Into something I hate because I can't control my own emotions?
That my life is a complicated mess?
I shouldn't have to adhere to Mister J's opinions, because I'm an adult?
I don't like this whole being in love nonsense, but I am in love.
And I can't fucking help it.
Who can I trust honestly?
Sometimes I can't even trust my own brain.
I'm exhausted from trying to figure out life.
What am I even doing?
Mister J liked me better without a boyfriend...
Except that I was more of a mess before, less obviously...
I'm worried about Kuma-kun too, because I think he's stressed out.
And I hate my friends.
My cats destroyed my room while I was gone too.
I'm starting to lose my grip on shit.
Mostly just dealing with the fact that I'm fighting with everyone.
Well, my family members at least.
For various reasons...
Mostly just Mister J, because of my relationship choices.
And this is why after the incident with Satan, I stopped telling him shit.
He's so judgmental.
I'm so tired of it...
He's ruined almost as many relationships of mine as I have for myself.
I can't handle it.
These kinds of nights I just want to put a 45 in my mouth, pull the trigger.
You have to fight for what you want in life though.
I just hope Kuma-kun is as serious about this as he claims...
Because I'm going through Hell for this.
It's worth it...
I hope it's worth it, I hope he honestly loves me.
Hope my doubts are just my natural skepticism.
You never can tell if a person loves you.
Life is just shades of grey, right?
Love isn't a shade of grey...
I hope Mister J is wrong.
It's not like he isn't a victim of his own bias.
I'm about ready to kick him and my mother out of my life.
Like I can do that as simply as saying it...
But can't I?
Can't I make a choice?
That Mister J has no say in what I do?
I can make my own mistakes...
Because I let him control my life for years, I let my mother's behaviour drive me to drugs.
I let Satan ruin my views of love...
I'm not sure if I'm doing this right.
But I'm trying my best with Kuma-kun, and that's all I can handle right now.
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