March, 2013

Mar. 3

So, grace is the ability to handle any situation...

It's not removing yourself from a situation, but merely anticipating a ladylike response. 

Mar.7

Southern Californian teenage "slang" is brilliant, there's something for everything in this social sub-dialect.

I want to specialize in cat behaviour. 

I want to be a linguist, or a psychiatrist...or maybe a physicist.

I want all these things, but I don't know how to get them.

I know I'm smart, but I'm clueless.

I'm obsessed with my iPhone, because it knows me so well; but I couldn't tell you anything practical.

Watching tv makes me feel like I should see a therapist, it's terrible.

Mar.8

Illusiveness makes a person cool.

That's why slang was invented; it allows a person to conversate, and still retain illusiveness.

Mar.9

He is my kryptonite.

I loved him so much; I love him still, even after so much has happened.

And it's so strange to see people that I knew once...

To see how they've changed.

They've grown up, and all of their flaws have become so apparent.

My own shortcomings have also become more recognizable.

The world is full of translucent flaws.

Mar.10

I will not complain about Satan.

I'm drawing the line.

But he says he misses hanging out with me, he says it sucks that I haven't been around...

He's never said he misses me.

And just like that I'm tempted to fall into this trap of dysfunction.

Truth is that he's bipolar, and this is just another one of his mood swings.

I'm not falling for this again.

I refuse.

Haha, so in the end Satan was only talking to me for personal ulterior motives.

And soon after I dismissed his silly notions, he ceased all pleasantries...actually he was quite rude.

So after all, indeed it is done...

There are no lingering thoughts of love in the spring.

It is over, somewhat as it began; people and their trauma creating chaos in the lives of others.

Yet can I have a true ending when there is no new beginning in sight?

Mar.11

What now?

I always feel as if I lack direction in my life.

And I've awoken to a slight feeling of sadness over Satan.

Obviously he's pretty predictable and not at all worth it, but he's great at messing with my head.

And now I'm distraught over yet another fiasco involving his bipolar way of dealing with things.

I wish I could just wish him away, so that he'd never talk to me again.

I've spent the morning talking to him.

We're the same, yet so far apart.

Our issues work against each other, creating dysfunction.

He and I, we think alike; we don't get along because we're both stubborn.

It's really terrible actually...

I don't know where I am anymore.

Mar.21

I have this superstitious belief that people's personalities are directly related to their eye colour.

Mar.25

I hate The Jester's roommate, he worse than Satan...like times ten.

And I'm not the girl I used to be, thus making a fool of myself.

So now what?

The person that I am won't flourish in the style of society that I have the misfortune to associate with.

Either I go back to living in my Bunny persona or I become some kind of modern femme fatale.

I'm thinking the latter of the two, most definitely; but why is this world so fucked up, and why do I still care?

My own misery is astounding.