Nihthelm, Queen of Shadows

I've had maybe five hours of sleep this whole week, too much caffeine.

Good morning.

Satan is still in love with me, I can tell...I know him too well.

He's like, "get over here already."

No comment.

Ivy just randomly started singing Green Day...we watched Rent tonight, it made me really nostalgic.

We also watched Repo: The Genetic Opera, it was bitchin'.

Back to Satan; Mister J claims I never loved him, but everyone knows that we were always in love.

I put up a status on Facebook about wishing I had someone just to chill and do nerdy things with, he's like "you know you're describing me, right? Lol."

The 'lol' is because he's nervous...he always tacks it on at the end of his sentences when he doesn't wanna sound like he has feelings.

I miss him a lot...I should go see him soon.

Because our personalities are so similar, he understands me completely.

Although because we're both so reluctant to be open and trusting, we run out of things to say often.

We're trying....

I've been having bouts of car sickness since my little mishap yesterday.

Caress Me Down was on the radio, it made me wanna do karaoke while wasted.

I've been sober for 24 hours, fuck my life.

Everyone around me is fucked up, I'm fucked up.

I remember sitting on The Wall at the beach with Satan, he told me some terrible childhood story.

"Just another one of those great memories," he said.

That statement sums it up for all of us, they became stories whispered in rooms with locked doors and on deserted park benches.

My friends and their stories of abuse and parents on drugs...

We're all still dealing with our issues, even as adults now.

I have my own horror stories, and secrets that I will take to my grave.

Ivy, The Jester, Satan, everyone I knew in school...even Mister J...we are all affected by a past that we cannot change, some experiment in the world of Freudian psychology.

This is what we have to live with.