My Standard Break From Life

So while Ivy and I were at a stoplight the guy next to us was laughing about me feeding her Cheetos.

He rolls down his window and shouts, "I love Cheetos!"

Ivy throws one into his window and he eats it.

I definitely missed our adventures...

Everyone is telling me to break up with Kuma-kun because he went hiking with some other girl.

"Because why would a girl with a boyfriend go hiking with a guy who has a steady girlfriend."

Everyone thinks he's being sheisty.

I'm not exaggerating when I say everyone...they're all jumping on the break-up train.

I was already uncomfortable with how many girls Kuma-kun spends time with, but I hate when people reaffirm my thoughts.

Mister J thinks all this is shady too, but he says that I'm the only person who can make a decision about how much I'm willing to put up with.

I'm passed the point of caring though, it's not as if anyone could actually hurt me.

Kuma-kun certainly couldn't hurt me, I haven't given him that power.

Mister J says that Kuma-kun should know better, and he's scared that I'm going to get STDs.

Ivy already said everything that Mister J said though, and before anyone said anything at all I was already worrying about all this shit.

I've been pissed about all this for days...

I have no energy to care anymore, there's a life that I should be living.

I'm subjecting myself to shit that makes me uncomfortable on purpose, I'm trying to learn how to deal with life.

Ivy gave me a nickname last night, Fifi Kitty Slave?

Apparently she's gonna dress me up as a maid with cat ears *laugh*

Forgot how fun she is...

And The Jester also gave me a nickname last night, Katnip.

I have a suspicion that it's because I occasionally braid my hair.

We were laughing about how cats always follow us home...

I'm so tired, because I had insomnia last night; so I just spent five hours on the phone with The Jester, like we used to.

He's gonna teach me how to lucid dream at will.

Bleh, I'm so tired.

I feel like Hell.

Fuck my shit!

I hate being sick.

I'm too sick to be excited over the fact that AmPm has World of Warcraft cups for sale...

Ivy is so picky, haha, I stole creamer for her but she didn't want it 'cause it wasn't French vanilla.

And I was short on change at 7-Eleven, but the cashier gave me my coffee anyway.

I love when that happens...

Remember when I used to get all kinds of shit for free and then Satan said it's just because I'm a girl.

Totally untrue, even his grandma agreed with me.

Guys get free shit too.

My head hurts...

The Jester says that everything has a silver lining.

Life sucks today though.

I'm staying home next week.

So I found the blog that I wrote when I was twelve-thirteen....

I was stupid.

There's posts from when I broke up with Satan and all the way through losing my virginity when I was fourteen.

I wanted to be an actress, artist or writer...I still loved the Alkaline Trio, I wanted a tongue ring so bad...wore black lipstick, dated guys with Mohawks and piercings, dressed like a goth, smoked too many cigarettes, and hated the world...ahhh, adolescence.

It had all the silly old songs that I used to write too.

My mental energy is so fucked, all I want to do is get very drunk.

But if I've learned anything, alcohol is not the answer to all my problems.

I just almost passed out when I stood up, fuck this cold.

Ivy is seriously debating leaving her husband, and I'm seriously debating having someone kick his ass.

What else about life?

"Life's just a series of lows and highs."

Love is just compatible adjectives, everything in life is comprised of words.

My stomach is killing me...but I don't feel like forcing myself to eat anything, since I get nauseous easily.

Oh, bad mood...fuck off.

So food...'cause I should eat whether or not I feel like it.

I wanna go home already.

I'm over relationships.

Because Ivy and Mister J are staging an intervention, and there's a million red flags.

I keep waiting for Kuma-kun to show me that he really loves me...that he really cares.

He's insensitive to how I feel about him hanging out alone with other girls.

And he goes hours without talking to me, I'm not talking about him being preoccupied with life for a few hours...I mean sometimes he goes more than eight hours without even sending me a single text.

Either he's really oblivious to how relationships are supposed to work or he simply doesn't care.

But I'm tired of trying to make him aware that he's being inconsiderate of my feelings.

I'm pretty sure we've already had conversations about similar things...

There's more that's bothering me about this relationship, but I'm too sick to focus.

I had a lovely afternoon with Mister J and Ivy at Costco, then The Jester came over and the four of us had a family dinner.

Yep, this is my wacky family, but I love them.

Mister J let slip that he's thinking about moving back to Arizona with his fiancée.

I'm so scared of the fact that I'll be here alone...I'll have to live on my own.

Ivy said that I could move in with her, The Jester said that we'll figure all this out together.

I couldn't hold back tears...Mister J is abandoning me to fend for myself.

He has to live his own life though, this I understand; I have to grow up at some point.