Saturday, February 15, 2014

Where'd You Go When The Lights Went Black?

Bleh...sickness and NyQuil.
So are we doing this whole thing?
This analysis of what went wrong, so that when all my drowsiness wears off I'll still be able to sleep at night?
We're gonna start with "did I do the right thing?"
If I was unhappy, then yes.
It's really that simple, people drag themselves down with moral barricades and emotional turmoil.
If you're unhappy do something to change it.
What did go wrong though?
Aside from the fact that he let his family call me clingy and wasn't enough of an adult to judge my personality on his own?
I already went through this whole ordeal my Senior year of high school...this guy I was dating wouldn't talk to me for days and that's because he was into another girl.
Guys know that they're supposed to talk to their girlfriends.
It's that simple.
I've been through too many fucked up relationships to sit around waiting for things to get better.
I was ready to fight for him, tell everyone I know to fuck off, start arguments with Mister J and Ivy...over a guy who called me insecure and clingy.
Yes, I'm really annoyed by that.
It misses the main issue entirely, because I understand being busy...but I don't understand sitting at home fucking off.
He literally told me he's on his computer or fucking piano, or "doing chores"
And obviously getting high with his mom?
So what have I learned from all this?
When you meet a cute boy tape his mouth shut?
Totally kidding.
More like if it seems too good to be true, blow things up.
Again I'm joking.
Sometimes people's lives are in different places, and that's an important thing in a relationship.
He needs time to grow up...figure out who he is, what he wants out of life, learn how to make his own decisions.
As for me?
I know what I want.
If you're unwilling to give that to me, then why should I wait around for you?
I'm not all grown up, I have problems that I work through everyday so I can get better.
People never finish growing up, but I've already been down this road.
Being with Kuma-kun made me feel like I was back in school, because that's what our relationship reminded me of.
I think I need something with more genuine substance.
Was I in love with him?
This is the question that would be on everyone's mind, if anyone actually cared.
I loved him, felt protective over him...and that's the only answer I can give.
He made me nostalgic, because he was reminiscent of a life that was more carefree.
The right person is out there though...
Somewhere in this universe there is a girl/guy that I'll be perfectly happy in a long-term relationship with, for the moment I'm content with being single.
The Jester says he wants me to go back to being my happy self, he hates seeing me like this.
I know, but I'm still in mourning over my failed relationship.
What am I supposed to do with Kuma-kun's gift?
I ended up sticking it in the closet, 'cause it's causing me distress to look at it.
*laugh*
My fucking sensitivities and sensibilities.
This is still a little painful...
I know I shut myself off towards the end, so I could break my own fall; but this still hurts.
Spent all of yesterday bawling my eyes out, today I feel internally frigid.
It's almost 100 degrees outside, but I feel so cold.

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