The War of The Redbeards

"Whatever happened to the golden ball?"

Some guy used to call me "peculiar Persian girl" why did I just remember that?

I don't know, I'm drowsy from cold medicine and spent last night sitting on a dirt road, with The Jester trying to convince me not to put a bullet in my own head.

It's been a long time since I've felt like this...

I put on a tough front, but really I'm falling apart.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

The only option Mister J is giving me is to move back to Arizona with him, I'm tired of following other people around and hoping for the best.

I should take charge of my own life...but what if I end up on the street?

There's nothing to say.

What if?

I guess I just have to deal with that if it happens?

There must be something I can do, some sort of plan.

The Jester told me that if I can get a job I'll be fine.

If I could find enough roommates I'd be okay, right?

"Sit back and relax, enjoy the crash."

I'm so scared, completely freaking out.

I've been fighting with Mister J a lot, because he thinks that the only smart thing for me to do is to move to Arizona with him.

No.

Just no.

Because I'm not going back to that, for a million different reasons.

I can do this, because tons of people do it...I might end up a starving stripper...but it's completely possible for me to be okay on my own.

The Jester said that the one thing he's learned is that the only person you can rely on is yourself, I know that already.

I just don't know what to do with myself.

Ivy wants to borrow my car all the time when we move in together...what now?

How are we going to pay for insurance?

Don't I need my car?

Isn't there still time to figure all of this out?

Is there some off-chance that Mister J's dear fiancée would rather live here than there?

Life is so much more complicated than black and white.

There are too many variables for me to figure anything out right now, I'm so stressed out though.

We were drawing dicks on Ivy's windshield, she needs to clean her car *laugh*

I'm supposed to hang out with her and Snuff, and some other people, on Saturday...

I'm excited, I guess?

There's only one person that I really want to hang out with...I couldn't find a ride there if my life depended on getting there.

I couldn't tell you what would happen if that did come to pass.

I don't believe in anything right now.

Nothing left in a world that has become so cold.