I'm actually quite glad it's not, although the air up here is terribly dry.
Suppose I should post, even if I have crappy service up here.
Mister J's family members are oh, so loco.
Most of the time it's a fun sort of crazy, although his mama is a little intimidating sometimes.
I do admire women who can harness that bitch energy so easily, most of the time she's pretty nice to me though.
His brother married a crazy broad and he recently broke into a shed on the family property.
He rifled through everything in there, apparently including some stuff I've had since childhood, I hope nothing is damaged though.
*sigh*
People and their fucking issues...
I guess I'll find out what's going on soon enough.
Aside from that there's tons of family drama, but I won't get into that.
Living in this town is terrible, though it's nice for a small vacation.
We used to have bonfires in the woods and get crossfaded...the kids up here play 'hide and seek' in super Walmart.
Also they play 'German spotlighting' which is pretty fun, it's like 'hide and seek' in the woods with a flashlight.
I got totally into it while I was up here, imagine me in all my girly city-person-ness wearing full camo and low-crawling through the woods at midnight.
Yep, I definitely embraced country life while I was living here, except that I refused to go to church and everyone at school pretty much hated me since I'm all Californian and shit.
So I mostly just hung out with adults...
I graduated here though, even if I only went to school up here for like four months.
I won't even go into how lame it was to go to school in a town this small.
Technically it's three towns, but you can drive through all of them in about twenty minutes.
Well, everyone's shit is missing, and we're all about to shit bricks.
I'm so tired of thieves and liars...and of having to stoop to that same criminal level.
Mister J's brother is a thief and his wife is harassing everyone in the family.
But he stole jewelry from grandma, stole 10k worth of tools from Mister J, and I'm not even sure how much of my stuff is missing.
I'm pissed.
And I'm covered in dirt and spiderwebs.
I'm over it.
Because the key to life is letting go and moving on.
So Mister J's girlfriend is like, "Wild Turkey? 80 proof? Or do you like the 101?"
My response?
"What kind of question is that?"
I'm still a part-time alcoholic.
We just drank almost a whole bottle of José Cuervo between the three of us, I'm looking forward to getting wasted tonight.
I'm glad that Mister J's girlfriend is just as crazy as I am.
Yes! I love meeting people who bring out my wild side.
They're trying to figure out how to sneak me into the bar.
Fuck my tiny bladder and fuck being under age.
I've heard everything from "let's get her a fake ID" to "let's throw her over the fence"
I fucking love people who can keep up with my drinking habit.
You see, when you're with me never ask if I want more alcohol...just assume that it's a yes.
Am I drunk?
Just a little...
Does everyone know about drunk nachos?
Although one time I threw up 'cause too much chipotle, thus ended the drunk nachos tradition.
No more tequila.
It makes me insane...I'm talking 'stripping in public' insane.
I forgot what I was talking about.
Oh, alcohol, I wish I could marry alcohol.
I'm going to become a purveyor of drunk texts.
Muahahahaha!
But I don't have anyone to drunk text?
And I have nobody to drunk fuck either?
How boring has my life become?
Realization of the week; I can't handle boring people.
Yes, I'm still drinking.
Nothing here is open past 8:00 PM, except maybe the plethora of bars and Denny's.
I could be the only person in the history of the universe to ever attempt to order tea at a bar.
Yeah, I know...I also ordered a garden salad...
They're probably in the kitchen rolling their eyes at "that idiot Californian"
It's midnight.
I'm recovering from my drunken stupor alone in a hotel, and it's creepy.
Wish I had someone to talk to...
So who do I text?
Satan? Ivy? Kuma-kun? The Jester?
Who?
And then I realize that I'm actually alone.
I can't think of a single person that it would be plausible to text while alone in a hotel room, sobering up, in the middle of the night.
Kuma-kun doesn't know what I mean when I say we've never really drank together...
Because when I drink, I drink.
As in I (or we, if I'm with people) start in the morning and continue all night.
Don't believe me?
Ask anyone I know, it's pretty much morning until the early hours of the next morning...then breakfast and another small drink, pot is also a great cure for anything remotely resembling a hangover.
This is where the "Whiskey Breakfast" came from.
I feel mental some days, I wish there was a simple cure for depression.
Like some miracle drug, some panacea for my random bad moods...something to assuage my pointless exhaustion, insomnia, terrible dietary habits, and urge to drink excessively.
Wish I could just wake up one day and feel normal.
I've been dealing with depression since I was a kid...really, like since I was around ten or eleven.
I'm kind of used to it....
What if I could wake up normal?
No chemical imbalance or grey coloured glasses, just average...normal, ordinary...
I tried to write a post recently about what it's like living in this way.
I'm not sure I can convey what it's like to lose the will to live for no reason.
Imagine waking up in your warm, comfy bed on a typical morning.
Look around the room, it's the same place that you wake up in every single day, nothing has changed.
Now you get a phone call.
Your parents are dead, your car has been impounded, you've just been fired, and somehow a pigeon magically appeared and shit on your head, also Jennifer Lawrence is in a coma.
Except that you didn't get a phone call.
None of that even happened.
But your brain says, "be sad, everything sucks, there is absolutely no reason to do anything, stay in bed, stare at the ceiling, cry uncontrollably."
And on the really terrible days?
"There's a gun in your dresser...make friends with it. Wouldn't it be lovely to end it?"
This is depression.
Sometimes you sleep for a week, sometimes you're awake for three days, some days you puke when you eat, and some days you want to bury yourself in a giant chocolate cake...some days you cannot physically move, no matter what, there is nothing in your entire being that could make you move a single muscle....and some days you have so much energy that it feels like you're perpetually snorting cocaine.
You can be sad for an entire month for no logical reason, so much that you ignore everyone you love and nothing interests you at all.
Someone could come tell you that you won a million dollars, and you would just shrug your shoulders.
I'm not joking.
It's as if you're comatose, yet totally aware of the world around you.
There's a customary black cloud over your head, despite the fiery stream of sunlight that accosts you.
No matter who it is or what they offer, you can't seem to "snap out of it" the way everyone wants you to.
When I was thirteen a guidance counselor told me that it takes courage to try to end your own life, but I've always thought it takes more courage to keep living.
Going home today, I really could not be happier.
I has to pack and stuffs...but I shall take a minute to congratulate myself on surviving this trip.
I'm still very sick, just threw up in a hotel bathroom (I'm not hungover, don't even think about implying that I could be)
I miss my palm trees and kitty cats.
Yatta!
*happy dance*
Ivy is like, "Come home! I miss my baby girl!"
Imma tryin' >.<
Thirteen hour drive back home to look forward to though, je deteste la.
It's alright, tomorrow I will be in my own bed with tea, Skyrim, and my baby kitties.
I probably shouldn't be having Mountain Dew for breakfast....
Aaahhh, caffeine.
Yesterday I had three cups of coffee, a Rockstar, one of those Starbucks espresso doubleshot things, Coke, and more Mountain Dew; I was completely wired and ended up staying up all night watching Adult Swim.
I forgot how great Robot Chicken is...
I'll be so happy when I can finally crawl into my own damn bed.
