I Hope I Won't Be There In The End When You Come Around

Ivy made me get a profile on a dating website...I've had them before and I hate sifting through all the creeps.

I guess it will give me someone to talk to at least.

Satan added me on Skype finally after years, tonight is weird.

I'm watching the Fullmetal Alchemist movie, it always makes me cry...I really hope I don't cry.

Ivy is cheating on her husband...I know they're getting divorced, but it feels wrong for me to be privy to her love life at the moment.

Because she's literally sleeping with someone while she's still legally married.

What have I learned this week?

People never really change...

I rewatched all of SAO and talked to Satan for five hours.

He makes me laugh a lot, he got agitated towards the end because of Ivy.

I won't go into that because of...stuff (more like I don't feel like explaining a complicated past).

Let's talk about the not-so-secret fact that I still love him, or the fact that this love of mine could be the thing that ruins me.

He's gonna get me a dragon though, I don't even know what that means...I'm so tired, it's almost 8:00am and I haven't slept.

I'm not even sure what I'm saying anymore, but I had fun staying up with Satan and making fun of stupid shit.

Ivy and I got in a small accident today, she hit the side of some lady's car...we were freaking out.

Fuck my shit though, everything is always so hectic.

I'm exhausted...and confused as usual about so much.

You know Satan has slept with like half the girls I know....

There's that.

And Ivy is like, "Why would he stay up all night and put up with you?"

Because he, himself, admitted that he always tries to get into my pants.

He kinda finally accepted that I'm not gonna sleep with him, but I'm at the point that I don't care and probably would.

I don't really believe in love anymore, don't believe in relationships, marriage, having children...I think it's bogus.

My beliefs, life, and thoughts are all unconventional; the reason I've had feelings for him for so long is because he's unconventional too.

We literally had an entire conversation about the most efficient ways to dispose of bodies, best blades to kill people with, why everyone else are a bunch of morons, the fact that even when people don't play games they do, how jokes are just funny lies, and we made three hours worth of sex jokes....or were they jokes?

He said he likes that I have sassy retorts, I love that we have banter.

That's what I love about him, we fuck with each other and nobody gets offended.

I like that he can throw everything back at me that I throw at him...he challenges me, it used to piss me off, but now that I'm older I love it.

Someone who swears at me when I swear at them, makes witty remarks, who I can laugh with...and then have a ridiculous conversation about nothing.

Really the whole bottom line of this is that he's an asshole and I'm a bitch, and it works out well for us.

Also he's a nice person, but still detached...which is obviously something I need, since I can never figure out how to be attached without my brain going haywire.

I hate today...can it be over already?

On top of the fact that I'm terrified of being arrested for being in a car with someone who doesn't have a license, Mister J says now some drama has started with my mother.

He won't tell me what it is, but I can tell by his voice that it's bad...I'm freaking out.

Today just fucking sucks, and all I want right now is to do dabs with Satan and watch tv.