Kiss Me, Deadly

"When they come for me I'll be sitting at my desk, with a gun in my hand and a bulletproof vest; saying, 'my, my, my, how the time does fly, when you know you're gonna die at the end of the night'."

I love this song so much.

People have been calling me all day...I talked to Snuff for a long time, he's joining the navy.

Why do we always end up talking about sex?

Because I'm pretty sure that he still wants to sleep with me, why do guys always wanna trade stuff for blowjobs?

I know it's a joke, but still....

It's nice to hear from him though, I do miss him a lot.

We always used to have fun, he was hanging out with Shadow King and some other people today.

It makes me kinda lonely; everyone kept asking me to come chill today, but nobody could come pick me up.

Catwoman called me too, she said that we should "rekindle our friendship," I'm kinda whatever about that.

I mean, I guess that'd be good?

We actually ended up talking about WoW, she used to play back when she was dating that one guy.

Everyone else is butt-hurt that I haven't called them back yet.

Oh! And Ivy is pregnant again...ten bucks says it's not even her husband's kid.

I found out that she made out with Snuff last time we all hung out, right after she slept with her "lover" and right before she slept with her husband again.

This is why Satan hates all my friends; because Ivy, Catwoman, Southern Boy, and Alley Cat are all morons.

Alley Cat's baby daddy finally left her....

You know if I placed bets on all this stuff I'd be really rich.

My birthday was?

Typical.

It's just another day, Satan said that it's sad that I don't celebrate my birthday because anyone could die any day...life isn't certain.

Catwoman basically said the same thing.

I don't think it's that important.

Although I'm in a pretty good mood, and I'm pretty optimistic about this year.

The Jester promised to go with me to Vegas for my twenty-first birthday.

One more year!

I just found out that he loves art museums just as much as I do.

We're gonna go to the Getty with his step-dad soon (hopefully).

He's always working...but he just got transferred and now he actually really likes his job.

Catwoman works at Sea World now, she wants me to go with her and her friends when she gets tickets.

Meh.

I have a feeling that her friends don't like me...

This is a little strange, but I was talking to Mister J about Satan and he said that he knows that we get along.

I told him that Satan is more like he was when we first met, but that he's also matured.

He said, "well, that happens sometimes..."

Everyone always knew I loved Satan except the two people who actually mattered, Mister J and Satan.

Satan said he never believes when a girl says she loves him, I understand why...but it's terrible.

We'll never end up together though, because I know how we are.

"I know that you would like me, if only you could see me."

I got a random message from him at like 2:00am telling me to watch this anime that he's been telling me about, he was also telling me about this sci-fi MMO that sounds pretty awesome.

Not much else to say, other than that everyone is pretty much just annoying the crap out of me.

Mister J said that there needs to be more blunt, brutal, straightforward honesty in the world...I had that same conversation with both Satan and Snuff like two days ago.

Everyone can do as they like, personally I would probably feel better if I flat out told people to fuck off.

Off To Save The World

Good morning.

Since today is...what it is....

Meh, whatever, here's a picture of Jennifer Lawrence, flipping people off in a Dior Hâute Couture gown.

Oooh, funny fact; Fork said I flip people off like a girl because I tuck in my thumb.

My inbox is back up to eleven texts...

Congratulate me; I've become the female version of Satan.

Cynical, sarcastic, offensive...and I spend most of my time watching cartoon reruns, playing video games, and with a diet reminiscent of a teenage stoner.

Yup, unlike Satan I would rather not spend the rest of my twenties glued to a computer screen eating frozen pizza.

I'm not even twenty yet...but I was referring to Satan who, at the wonderful age of twenty-two, is doing exactly that (to be fair he doesn't turn twenty-two 'til august).

But as it turns out the cool, brooding, troubled, mysterious rebel that you fell for as a teenager ends up being a nerd who spends his adulthood unemployed and shacked up in his grandma's house playing World of Warcraft....

I'm dead serious.

The funny guy who got banned from the mall for dropping his pants, who loved Clerks and Army of Darkness is now a bearded guy with glasses who is perpetually stoned, playing games on Steam, and showing his dick to girls via webcam.

How sad have all our existences become?

Should I mention that Catwoman; a decent student, and one of the most responsible people I've ever met is now into heavy hallucinogenic drugs and sleeping with strangers.

Or that The Jester; the shyest, nerdiest, most socially awkward person I've ever known lost his virginity to a hooker, and a few weeks later peed on some random girl's carpet because he was drunk and just felt like being a dick...

These are the people that I thought would be my family forever.

Granted that Satan is very reliable despite how he comes off, The Jester and I are still extremely close, and Catwoman was doing shrooms even back in the day...maybe I should've seen where everyone would end up because if you honestly analyse it, these behaviours aren't that out of character.

Um, my mother wants to go to lunch....and I agreed to it because?

Just to make everyone else happy, I could give a shit.

"Welcome to Hell, Don't eat shrooms."

I found this movie critic on YouTube, and OHMYGOD!

He's so sarcastic, hilarious, and surprisingly full of depth as to what differentiates the good movies from the pieces of crap.

He's called the Nostalgia Critic, he remembers it so you don't have to!

And he is fucking brilliant.

I'm...mortified by my peers.

Yes! One word answers! This is the guy that I miss sooooo much!

And Fork is...a sweetheart, yet always a smidge of a buzzkill.

Because pills make people boring.

Don't do drugs, kids....or buy into, what?

Pharmaceutical propaganda???

I guess.

Do I really wanna address all the morons that I've had the misfortune of dealing with today?

Not at all.

I have had waaayyy too much caffeine, which is resulting in rambling tangents and weird voices.

Like whoa, where did that come from?

Ichigo-nekochan forgot about my birthday and now she feels stupid *laugh*

It's weird that we actually get along these days...

Fork went to bed, but set an alarm for midnight just so he could wish me happy birthday.

Best way I could've ever started a birthday, seriously...

Listening to Satan talk to his cat was both adorable and entertaining.

He said my gamer rage was the sexiest thing I've done in awhile (of course he did).

We had a really honest, straightforward conversation....about our shitty mothers, shitty relationships/friendships, the past, being liars, and everything inbetween.

Our relationship recently is so odd, mostly because neither of us cares too little or too much.

He still can't take a fucking compliment though...geez.

ASDFGHJKL; Sold My Soul To The Tumblr-sphere

I should probably sleep now (it is 6:30am, I am still awake).

The subtitles went out randomly halfway through the episode and I'm just like, "nooooo! I don't understand Korean!"

I wonder if it's possible to die of caffeine overdose???

Satan randomly sent me his WoW stream and then we just kinda started a conversation out of the blue...ironic since I was literally just talking about him to Ichigo-nekochan.

Why do I still love him?

Because of shit like this;

I really miss that stupid boy...god, this is so lame.

Mmm, also Mister J has me as "Badass Bunny" in his phone contacts.

And he sent me this....

There's actually a lot more, he just spammed my inbox.

Satan used to have me as "[my name] Bitch" in his phone.

Why the fuck do I actually miss him?!

Ugh, this month is just so fucked.

Hey, by the way, I still haven't slept.

Oh! And more drama with my dear old mother, I should've just gotten a goddamn restraining order.

Honest to god, you don't even want to know what's going on with that right now.

Goddamn, fuck every decision I've ever made; how am I so stupid?

.........ummmmm........

Oh, my shit, fire and Hell brimstone, holy fucking Jesus Christ almighty......I'm...shocked.

Satan put his cam on his live-stream...let's keep in mind that I haven't seen him for almost a year.

And he has a beard...and is wearing glasses....he looks like an old hippie.

I'm in so much shock.

He doesn't ever post pictures of himself anywhere, so I'm just really fucking surprised.

He's still cute though, maybe I just think that because I still love him...who knows.

It's funny that he isn't at all "my type" and I don't even care.

He said "night, my sexy love."

After all this time I'm finally getting sick of his inconsistencies.

He said not to dream of him because it'll keep me up all night...as if I would, pfft!

I finished Boys Over Flowers, I was bored of it before I even got to episode 20.

The series was a predictable mess all the way until the last ten minutes of the last episode.

The love-triangle annoyed me, all the flashbacks with the cheesy music, and Jun-Pyo's mother...just bleh.

Although it was pretty funny when Jun-Pyo got amnesia, even though it was a really big cliché.

And then both he and Yi-Jung just disappear for four years, "and when I come back we'll live happily ever after."

What nonsense is that?!

Nothing ever really resolves itself and half the series was totally pointless.

Through the entire series it always seemed more like Jan-Di should've ended up with Ji-Hu, yet she still marries Jun-Pyo.

Eternally annoyed by this, I wonder if the Japanese version was better (I read that it's closer to the manga).

Negative Downloads

I know I haven't been writing much lately.

There's no reason for that, other than being me means that I'm stuck in another peculiar mood.

(Mmm, Rockstars are yummy)

My sleeping habits are shitty right now, I never really sleep anymore...I feel like I'm always awake.

The Jester called me, it's shocking that I actually picked up the phone; here's the only explanation you need for why it's so shocking.

Yes, that says sixteen texts...as you can tell, I've completely quit checking my phone.

The Jester said that life loses its colour without emotions.

He's teaching me about different types of empaths and wants me to try some energetic experiment.

Catwoman texted me, asked me what I'm doing for my birthday...we always celebrate my birthday and 420 together, it's strange that we aren't really friends anymore.

I miss them...I miss everybody; Shadow King, Southern Boy, all the people who used to hang out with us.

I often wonder if I had made different decisions if I would've ended up somewhere different.

I'm not going to see Satan on the 26th, because it's bad for me...I remember last year, that was pretty much the last time we hung out; the only time I saw him after that was to buy weed, something changed between us that day.

Fuck this month, I hate it...because it's so terribly significant.

New topic...I don't even want to remember Satan, lately I feel like I'm drowning in memories of him.

I finished watching My Lovely Sam-Soon, I didn't cry this time around.

My favorite part is when Hyun Jin-Hun tells the stuffed pig to guard the house while he's gone and that he'll bring it something nice to eat when he gets back.

Sam-Soon said that human beings are childish by nature, indeed we are.

That's why I like Fork, he's not afraid to be childish sometimes; I really do like him, but I'm still ignoring everyone.

I started watching Boys Over Flowers (if you know what manga it's based on then you get ten points and freshly baked strawberry muffins).

I'm shipping Jan-Di and Ji-Hu, even if I know she ends up with Gu Jun-Pyo (I'm just gonna call him Pyon, because I hate typing out everyone's names).

I really like Yi-Jung and Ga-eul together too, they're actually my favorite couple.

Pyon would actually be great with that one girl his mom wants him to marry (what is her name???)

I actually teared up when Ji-Hu came back from Paris, I wish he would end up with Jan-Di...they're just so perfect.

Maybe it's just because Pyon eternally annoys me, but I do love how protective he is over Jan-Di.

Like when she got kidnapped and he was literally willing to die to save her, and even breaking up with her to protect her from his awful mother.

F4 is so cool, ugh, why can't guys be like that in real life?

They're like superheroes in designer suits...

It's so awesome how they just show up out of nowhere and save the day, they kick everyone's asses, after they do major sneaky information recon, and they're so chivalrous but not in a cheesy way.

They're not sappy or annoying about being gentlemen, really all guys should be like this.

I have a newfound love for K-Pop, I know that's so lame.

Guess what?

Idgaf *wink*

Before recently the only K-Pop I listened to was 2NE1 and BoA (she doesn't count since she sings in Japanese too).

Stuck To The Roof Of My Mouth With A Staple

So my grandpa's cat escaped tonight; at least it's pretty dark, so it's be more difficult for other animals to see her.

She's sneaky, sometimes too quick for anyone's reflexes; I feel terrible about it though.

It's been awhile since I've honestly thought about Satan, I know that I write about him fairly often...but my memories have a certain shallowness to them, there's no depth of feeling there anymore.

"Could be I don't remember, could be I choose to not."

He shakes when he sleeps (or shudders, is that the word for it?), he used to hold my hand while I was sleeping...it was one of my favorite things.

I swear when I was around him my heart would beat so loudly that the entire room could hear it, I always got so embarrassed.

We have had strange lives, the two of us.....

April is always when I give myself time to mourn over the things I haven't dealt with.

For instance; my grandmother's death, my feelings towards Satan, my tumultuous relationship with both of my parents, and my past full of secrets that I've never disclosed to another living soul....so few people truly know anything about me, it's a little sad that no one has ever known who I am; it's likely that no one ever will.

Satan was joking the other day about not really knowing me, we don't know each other and we're aware of it.

We have the same sort of aloof personality, stoic and rather distant.

It's the most cliché defense mechanism a person could have.

Shall we speak of something a bit more cheerful?

I started watching My Lovely Sam-Soon, it's better than I remember it to be.

I like that Sam-Soon doesn't give a fuck, she has a strength even though she's passionate and even vulnerable; but she is her own person, I admire her character.

And Hyun (why can't I ever remember his first name? Jin-Hun maybe?) is really a nice person, truly compassionate, underneath his cool exterior.

Despite his demeanor, his character also shows complexity.

As opposed to Itazura Na Kiss, My Lovely Sam-Soon was marketed towards adults; I guess it makes sense that I would like it better.

I've been awake for forty hours, maybe I should sleep now...I'm becoming a little delirious.

Look, I made a cat chasing a fish out of boredom (I wonder if the symbols will show up);

☡(⌜•⌯∞⌯•⌝)℈ ≋❥(◟*.*)

Is anyone else confused by AKB48?

I'm not talking about the fact that they're loved by all the creepy otakus who hang out at maid cafés in Akihabara, or any of the "scandals" concerning members of the group.

I just can't keep all the 90+ interchangeable members straight.

Some of their music is catchy and certain members have managed to somewhat branch out of the idol scene.

Members like Acchan, Yuko Oshima, and Tomochin could possibly be respected in their own right...but honestly half the time AKB seems more like a group of pornstars than it does a J-Pop group.

Speaking of which, I think one of the former members did become a pornstar.

Maybe it's just Japan and their neverending obsession with schoolgirls....the same sort of thinking that led to dakimakura, cosplay, fan-service, shimapan, gravure idols, and probably on a lesser scale tentacle rape hentai.....

But this is the country that gave me Yaoi, so I suppose I'm not complaining.

And I can't say that the country's perception of sexuality is completely dominated by men, because things like host clubs for women exist also.

I'm listening to Ozzy, this song will forever remind me of doing donuts in the parking lot with Catwoman at two in the morning...

I went to this deli/liquor store place today and there was this hot blonde sitting at a table, she gave me the dirtiest look...why are hot girls so stuck up?

She had a nice ass though....

I was gonna start talking about Korean dramas again, I'm sure nobody wants to hear about the melodrama though (maybe in a separate post).

I haven't been eating or sleeping, April is the worst month...

Happy 420 btw, everyone.

If you're curious, I am celebrating; this many years of tradition can't be broken.

I was supposed to get drunk with Mister J, but I haven't been feeling well...so he got drunk while he was waiting around for me (I don't particularly care for rum anyway).

Although, before I became so obsessed with whiskey, and before all my bad experiences with vodka, I used to drink a lot of Sailor Jerry's.

Happy 420!

Just because it's a longstanding tradition...

I had to go on a quest to retrieve a lighter this morning...it's reminded me of this one summer morning I was in the park and about to smoke my first bowl of the morning....only to realise that my lighter was dead.

It's six in the morning down by the beach, every liquor store is closed...I had to walk all the way to the little gas station on the corner.

Catwoman texted me earlier, of course she did...it makes sense that she would.

Now I understand why that one kid I used to know was obsessed with The Aquabats, they're super rad *wink, wink*

Mister J made me listen to Country music this morning, and then he made me watch an interview in which Toby Keith never wants to smoke weed with Willie Nelson again.

So now Streetlight Manifesto's rendition of Keaseby Nights...

Does anyone else love Five Iron Frenzy, I forgot about them for awhile.

Catch 22 is to Streetlight Manifesto, as Sweet Children to Green Day

Catwoman and I used to smoke weed every day after school, but our nights always ended in doing homework.

And on weekends we were always home by midnight...

Adulthood turned us into irresponsible people.

Out all night, sleep deprived, alcoholic, habitual stoners in training.

Oh! Kingpin texted me earlier, we've been talking about maybe going on some adventures soon.

Remember A Smile

I've been having trippy dreams lately, on top of insomnia, I wake up with anxiety and sad songs stuck in my head.

It's too early, and I regret everything I've ever done.

*sigh*

I'm just going to drug myself so I can sleep now, this is awful.

(I guess it doesn't help that there's some rude old guy shouting in the other room)

I've been rereading Furuba recently...

I had Vietnamese food for the first time today, it was really good except for the fact that I'm pretty sure that I unwittingly ate intestines...I drank almost an entire pot of tea by myself.

I kinda miss having a cabinet full of tea to choose from, my favorite will always be Persian tea though...I like Earl Grey, peppermint, and peach too.

I used to hate green tea because when I was little my mom would force me to drink it (she used to make me drink this weird kale stuff too), but when I was in middle school I was obsessed with Japanese culture and grew to like it.

I've been in a strange mood lately...is it the uneasiness of the energy shift, or the fact that I always get depressed around my birthday (ever since I can remember)?

The anniversary of the day I met Satan is coming up too....how many years has it been now?

I don't know what's wrong with me...I feel so odd.

It smells like summer, like a world unchanged.....everything is tied to both the past and future, everything is connected.

I've forgotten how to live, I'm determined to find my fire once again.

There's a girl who isn't afraid of anything somewhere in my soul, I remember that person who had a bright flame...I'd like to be that type of person again.

As over-emotional as I used to be, I was persistent...I would say, "I'm tough, I can do this."

And I got through everything, I'm almost twenty.....I can't tell what has happened, but these last couple of years I've lost myself.

For my birthday I'm going to go camping, drink lots of champagne...smoke bowls under the stars, like I did once upon a time.

There was a boy with eyes that reminded me of starlight, a long time ago...he taught me a lot about life, growing up...we were so matter-of-fact during those late night conversations.

We were both liars...we probably always will be.

I remember that day too well, a girl in a bathroom mirror denying how she really felt...how has all this come to pass?

It's been too long, and this is why I have to leave.

I can't stay here anymore.

Every street has some tradgedy burned into the asphalt, carved into my bones.

How could I ever find happiness when my heart is always breaking itself into tiny little pieces?

I must leave this city.

There's nothing left for me here....

It's time.

I found an app that you can watch Asian dramas on, I've been watching Itazura Na Kiss (not the anime).

It made me...angry.

Maybe it reminded me too much of my relationship with Satan.

During the very last episode Irie-kun finally realises he loves Kotoko and marries her....after he's already gotten engaged to someone else, and I'm just upset...I'm tired of girls who fall for assholes.

Goddamnit.

Like really?!

She loved you for three years and you were a dick to her, led her on, you were mean....but now you love her, after she did everything for you...over and over again?!

I'm so frustrated by this show.....

This is silly isn't it?

Obviously it was too close to what I've been through in this world.

Love is so very pointless.

It's brought me nothing but grief in this life.

When Caramelldansen makes you cry then there's definitely something wrong, this is the only time of year that I'm like this.

This song just reminds me too much of being sixteen....

You know there was like two years when I listened to nothing but J-Pop?

^^Random fact (I know Caramell is Swedish, but it reminded me).

Actually I think this is the song that I was listening to that one time when I had to go to the ER because I accidentally squirted a glowstick in my eye.

I was obsessed with glowsticks, everyone used to bring me packs of them at school, I even had glowstick bunny ears that Squeaky got for me.

I've decided to go to cosmetology school and open a salon like my grandmother.

I'm not going to let her down, I haven't lost my hope for the future yet.

So many people and places have already passed through my life, so much has happened...but I shouldn't dwell too much on things that have already been.

The reason that I think of the past so much is because it created the person that I am, since there are no constants in my life this is what I have to rely on.

I have twelve unread messages, I'm still ignoring everyone...it's been like three days since I've spoken to anyone.

I'm just in one of those moods when I need to be alone.

Well, actually I did Skype with Ivy for a bit earlier, she asked me about Fork..."So have you guys talked about being a couple yet???"

Haha, nope, not at all.

I think we both know that we should be good friends first, but we really are already good friends....or maybe so I like to think.

Every girl gets self-conscious when it comes to a guy she likes...

*laugh* I still adore Ayumi Hamasaki and Ai Otsuka.

My posts are still so random, I start out with some clear topic...but my sporadic thoughts end up overwhelming everything else.

Next series I'm going to start would probably be My Lovely Sam-Soon, since it's my favorite series (when it comes to Asian dramas).

Mostly because it's the first one I ever watched.

Okay, my brain is a little wrapped up in this, but I'm seriously considering moving to Asia.

I have a plan and everything...

My Japanese is terrible though, my Chinese is even worse...I can never remember Kanji, Katakana, or Hiragana....I mean my reading is getting better, but that's definitely relative.

I once knew a girl who was in love with a boy.

She finally got the courage to tell him, so she wrote it in a letter.

When she tried to give it to him he said, "You have to pay me for my time."

She said, "Just read it...please."

A few days later her friend walked up to and handed her a piece of paper, folded up quite small; she looked down and recognized her own handwriting.

It was the letter she had written to the boy.

"Where did you get this?!" she yelled after her friend.

She went home and burned it, scattered the ashes to the wind.

Later she found out that he had done a bunch of acid and laughed about it with his friends.

.....and this is the true nature of love.

"A moment of silence, please, for those who never get the chance.

They show up to the party, but they're never asked to dance.

The losers, the liars, the bastards, the thieves.

The cynicists, the pessimists, and those that don't believe in nothing."

I don't feel like shit!

So I just found a caterpillar in the garage (yes, I'm aware that it's midnight), I moved him to the bushes...but I didn't wanna go too far into the bushes because it's dark and there's lots of critters out here (why do I feel like I just walked through a spiderweb?)....I hope he doesn't get eaten by birds or wild animals...are caterpillars cold-blooded???

I didn't think about that...maybe I should go move him to a safer spot.

Is it completely weird that I miss highschool a lot?

There are so many good memories...smoking with Ms. Frost on my seventeenth birthday and eating enchiladas, eating brownies in the sauna at Catwoman's house, walking in the rain with Satan that one night when his grandma drove me home because I was fighting with my parents...haha, weird shit....and why do all my memories involve being inebriated?

Ooooh, that one time when we performed a Wiccan ritual at school on the field during lunchtime...we were like setting things on fire and stuff.

We were delinquents, all my classmates were just completely shocked at...everything I did.

I have the hugest crush on Sylvanas from WoW, in case you don't know who she is;

My other favorite characters are probably Arthas and Illidan Stormrage, I mean seriously just...

He makes me want to wear ram horns, elf ears and giant wings...

(I can't format pictures using the mobile app, I hope this turns out alright *sigh*)

My room is a messss...the heat just makes me lazy and antisocial.

Although it is like almost one in the morning, it's cold and I should clean my room so I can go to sleep.

Season 2 of Log Horizon comes out soon and I'm stoked, annnnd a lot of people have been telling me to watch Kill La Kill....*seriously considering it*

*spammy spam spam spam*

Fork is always laughing at me 'cause I rage so hard when I play Diablo, it's like neverending string of curse words.

WoW is like that for me too...video games are dangerous.

I've been reading these lately;

And I'm thinking about moving to Taipei...

My cats have been super cuddly lately, I still hate the heat, I think everybody is agitated with me because I'm ignoring all of them, because I'm extremely wrapped up in my own head right now.

Art Has Meaning, But Reality Has None

I don't think anyone has ever written so much about me, it made me smile....have I ever met someone who understands me so perfectly?

Nope, not even Satan.

I'm going to assemble an army of orange tabbies to take over the world!

Mmm, there's people that I should probably respond to...I've been ignoring everyone the last few days.

Rural internets suck so bad....fuuuuck.

Skype is horse shit.

Fork looks cute in a beanie, we were beanie buddies tonight.

So I'm thinking about going to cosmetology school...and I'm thinking about finding a hobby....maybe cooking, that could be a fun hobby.

And Vari just puked on the carpet (I dunno why he keeps throwing up, he puked on my bed a couple days ago).

Ivy is in Louisiana right now; so far she's texted me from Arizona and Texas too.

She went to see Ms. Frost while she was in Texas, she's so gown up and it's been such a long time.

(I can't believe Ivy is driving all the way to Florida, with two cats and a baby)

Ummmm, Persian coconut cookies?

I think yes.

So collectively I spent eight hours on Skype tonight.

An hour with Southern Boy discussing why humans are the angriest mammals ever....and....discussing cats.

Two hours with Fork, being hyper and crazy weirdos.

Five hours with Satan, giving each other shit and listening to him lament over how badly he wants to sleep with me.

Smart move, not putting out for all these years...

I guess this could end well for me, fuck if I know.

I'm not gonna...nope, I'm not gonna tell some long anecdote about him.

He was listening to The Fratellis, he said that most people don't get to hear his shitty singing, and our maybes are opposite (which is a good thing).

Satan also managed to pull the most elaborate dick joke ever, I'm amazed and bewildered.

He said I've somehow surpassed his level of being an asshole (*laugh* really?), and apparently I fail at life because I was feeding my cats at 2:00am.

And he told me I'm "mysterious" it was hella funny, that was probably the most honest conversation we've ever had.

I'm glad that he was in a good mood.

It's 5:00am, but I'm not sure how I could sleep since Satan successfully riled me up and then went to bed.

Geez.

I just need to get laid, I'm gonna find someone to sleep with....ooh, birthday sex!

Satan didn't remember that I've seen his dick on camera before, I found that hilarious...he doesn't have the best memory.

He said some drunk hot girl passed out on his bed last night after breaking his e-cig, but he couldn't "hit that 'cause she's into jungle fever".

Hmmm, I think we know another drunk girl who used to pass out on his bed a lot....I don't think I understood how terrible being a cocktease is back then.

He was bugging me about starting up WoW again...our 'Recruit a friend' benefits already expired though (it's been awhile).

So it's either get a new account for a new character so we can play together, or get one of those 'level up booster packs' (is that what they're called? I'm so tired).

So this exists;

I think one of my dreams would probably be going to Italy and having Grolla Dell'Amicizia...

This post is all over the place.

Oh, but good news; I might be going to Japan in a few months (wish me luck).

And I talked to The Jester for six hours (I think?) last night, we shared our theories on the recent energy shift, talked about aliens, and how girls should be more straightforward, among other things...our conversations are all over the place....

I guess Ivy didn't tell anyone that she was leaving, as always I seem to be the bearer of bad news.

Catwoman texted me this morning, I'm bewildered.

My aunt wants me to become a realtor, I'm not sure...maybe?

They do make good money, but would I be happy as a workaholic?

I dunno....just maybe, as always.

I'm too goddamn indecisive.

Yesterday Mister J asked, "Are you serious about moving to Japan?"

I know that tone, that's his "let's follow through with whatever crazy scheme you have on your mind" tone.

But I'm not sure, because I've never been there, I don't know if I'd be happy there.

I don't know if I'll be happy as a realtor or a cosmetologist.

I don't know where I want to go or what I want to do....everyone keeps telling me to do what I want to do, but I'm so very lost.

The Love That I Had, Wasted on a Pretty Face

Fork ended up shaving his head, it makes him look older *laugh*

It doesn't look bad though...

Can we talk about Kuma-kun for a minute, we got in an argument earlier.

About...I'm not even really sure what.

He thinks that "the person that he fell for never existed."

That's not true...

Remember when I said that the person I was in the past would've killed to date someone like him?

It's because my personality used to be really different, he met me at a time when I was trying to go back to being that type of person.

But I only show those parts of my personality to people whom I'm really close to.

Otherwise, I'm cynical, skeptical, blunt, offensive, I question everything, and I enjoy making people cringe in discomfort.

He comes off as pretentious and idealistic (does that sound familiar?)

Because I used to be that way....

The point that we're at now, we naturally clash.

But I like the fact that I question everything, I like my cynicism, skepticism, my general dislike of other people, I don't like boxes and lines...fuck barriers and preprogrammed ways of thinking.

It's not that I'm not "sweet and caring" or whatever anymore, I just went back to being cautious and guarded.

Besides of course the fact that I'm still deeply hurt...

That whole experience just kinda made me revert back to putting up a lot of defenses.

I don't need his help or his advice, if he really wanted to help me then he would listen without judging me so much.

Maybe that just isn't in his nature...

I give up, he told me that I started an argument over nothing and then he quit talking to me.

I guess it doesn't really matter anymore.

*sigh*

Why the hell am I upset about this?

Because I had really hoped that we could be friends?

Southern Boy told me not to worry about it and then said something about "liberal faggots"

While we were at a restaurant I threw a straw at Mister J and instead it hit the guy sitting behind him, I was like oops...

(And Satan thinks I'm boring to eat with *laugh*)

Speaking of which, he called me and I missed it...actually it says I declined the call, but I swear it didn't even ring.

I have a craving for pickled mango (I'm aware of how weird that sounds).

In a lot of eastern countries it's perfectly common to pickle all kinds of fruits and vegetables.

Anyway, it's called torshi in Persian, and it's quite yummy with certain dishes.

Let's see...

I saw the Grand Budhapest Hotel, it was fantastic.

Some guy randomly came over and started flirting with me while I was at the theatre...it was strange and awkward, and stuff.

I bought a new brand of cat food, I'll let you know if it's any good.

I guess there's not much else to say.

In Between The Sheets

So I have pink hair now...

(Notice the cat in the background)

The salon's grand re-opening is on the 23rd during the car show...

I have major anxiety tonight and I have no clue why.

I was listening to Hit 'Em Up earlier, it reminded me of the night I learned how to take a proper bong rip, after chugging a water bottle full of vodka...and then getting my first lightshow ever, to Skrillex- Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites...makes me miss Catwoman and Satan.

Wanna hear about all the guys who suddenly miss me?

Southern Boy stayed up all night with me, talking about so much random shit (he's living in North Carolina again).

Satan was busy (which is code for either 'in a bad mood' or 'still mad that I missed his call two nights in a row').

Southern Boy was drunk tonight...meh, like usual, I guess.

I talked to Fork earlier too, he loves my hair and was also drunk.

He lost a bet and had to shave half of his head, I'm trying to convince him to get a Mohawk...

What else....?

That one guy I dated freshman year asked me how I was, said we should hang out sometime, and called me his "little sis" (I kinda do think of him like an older brother).

That one kid I dated junior year called me beautiful and said he's sure tons of hopeful nerds would want to play tabletop RPGs with me (he always flirts with me, so that's normal...but bleh).

And I've been talking to this other guy (I might've mentioned him before, but he's pretty bad at conversations so they die quickly), he's pretty chill though...if he sent me something other than one word answers.

Fork called me his lover today...but he always calls me "my love" and stuff like that, I guess it's not that weird.

I'm taking this pretty slow anyway....

Also since we're in the land of ex-boyfriends; that one kid that I dated a long time ago and then went on a few dates with last year has been talking to me...guess what?!

He's still a douchebag.

Some things never change, but I found a picture of us when we were like twelve years old and sent it to him...

I'm supposed to be doing laundry right now, but I got distracted.

Maybe I should just go to bed, since it's 2:00am.

What do AM and PM stand for anyway???

After-midnight and pre-midnight????

Like honestly.

My brain is tired, from discussing...literature, comics, economics, history, world culture, porn, 4chan, highschool, Meyers-Briggs personality profiles, human nature, Japanese language, cats, and a plethora of bad jokes; with Southern Boy...evidently.

(He's an INFP, in the event that you were curious).

I'm happy we've started talking again.

Um...I'm turning twenty at the end of this month.

And....I'm excited about Disneyland, but beyond that I could give a fuck about some day to mark how many pointless years I've spent on this planet.

Mister J says I'm a pessimist, not a realist.

I say that I need to stop drinking, Mister J says I'm "out of practice", Ivy says she thinks my liver is failing.

Who fucking knows?

Or cares for that matter...

I'm still wanting to write a post about manga, now is a good a time as any.

So Sukitte Ii Na Yo (did you catch all my previous dyslexic spelling errors?); I have a love/hate relationship with Megumi, I'm shipping Kai and Mei, and I'm waiting patiently for Chapter 44 to come out.

I was going to tell another story earlier (completely irrelevant, but because I've been listening to rap lately); about how The Jester discovered rap, it involved Newb...Satan and I thinking alike, and his infamous porch.

You do realize we won't talk for another month or a few, the anniversary of the day we met is coming up too (not that anyone needed to know that).

The energy has shifted, what I mean is the Mercury Retrograde or whatever weirdness was messing with the energy of our lives has gone away...I'm pretty sure everything is on its way back to normal.

I still have a scar on my knee from Kuma-kun's couch, of course I finally sat down and dealt with that breakup.

(It took me this long, because if I had tried to deal with it when it happened I would've had a nervous breakdown).

I haven't heard from him in awhile, doubt he still reads this, but I hope he's doing well.

Is that all?

Hmmm, I guess so...

Froze in Time Between Hearses & Caskets

I finally got my udon...

Sake too, and I tried octopus for the first time.

It was super yummy, nothing will ever be as good as roasted eel though.

I took a trip to the bookstore too (I can't believe my comics disappeared in storage *sad bunny*)

But here's what I got;

Mister J got a "Necronomicon" (the complete works of H.P. Lovecraft).

I really wanted a tabletop RPG, but I haven't found that many people who would play with me so far...if I could get a good group together this could work.

The bookstore has so much cool stuff, I wanted to buy everything.

Feel free to comment on how deeply immersed in nerdy subcultures and obsessive fandoms I am...

I'm not doing too great at quitting cigarettes and alcohol....not really quitting, just stopping temporarily.

This came on Pandora (it will forever remind me of when I first met Satan and we started dating all those years ago);

Shaking Like a Shitting Dog

I guess it's a good time to write.

Where to start?

I might be moving to San Francisco or Long Beach...

It's not for certain yet.

Ivy left this morning, I have nothing to say.

You know one time she quit talking to me for three months because I tried to tell her that everyone was calling her a whore behind her back.

But she says we're best friends...she's just lonely, we're all lonely.

Southern Boy keeps saying that he misses me, it's for the same reason that Satan talks to me still....we're all just lonely.

I think it's story time.

When I moved back to San Diego from Arizona I spent hours at his house every day, crashed there all the time...there was this one night that I convinced him to go to a bonfire with me (which is funny because he hates leaving the house for anything other than food), we were standing on the beach talking (just like the night we met); he said to me, "I don't know what you're thinking, but this isn't going to happen...I mean, I don't know what will happen in the future, but....."

He was still in love with his ex, texting her every night, talking about her all the time...that was the night that I gave up on him.

We haven't hung out much since that summer, some days things are easy between us, some days they're painful...over the years we've gotten better, it's mostly irrelevant.

Except that after that summer I gave up on dating altogether, I've been out with a lot of guys since then...but I never take guys seriously.

I thought I should give someone a chance, that's how I ended up with Kuma-kun; maybe that was stupid of me.

The thing about Kuma-kun is that at the time when I got together with him I didn't realize how much I had changed.

When I was in school I would've killed to date a guy like Kuma-kun...

Because back then that's what I needed, right now I need something...someone much different.

I'm getting too attached to Fork though, it scares me.

This made me happy though;

Guess who... *laugh*

There's a lot of movies I wanna see lately...the new Sin City is coming out in August, I wish I could find someone to go see it with me...

Also a new Seth Mcfarlane movie, and a new TMNT movie are coming out soon....

I wanna see Dom Hemingway too, and maybe this one period drama that looked really good.

Oh, Mister J got me this;

Adorable, right?

I'm so bored, bleh...

Mister J said that Fork is too much of an introvert for me and thinks that he won't be able to handle the wild part of my personality.

Maybe, I guess we won't know 'til we know.

I've been craving udon lately...

I was kinda thinking about writing this long post about Sukitte Ii Ya No, maybe another time though.

I've also been getting back into metal and goth fashion recently, it's weird...I miss it though.

And goth music; Cruxshadows, Nox Arcana, Theatre of Tradgedy....forgot how much I loved all them.

This is the product of my boredom;

Goodbye, Blue Monday!

Well, Satan tried to call me again last night (to be fair I messaged him first).

I passed out before he responded...I think he's getting annoyed that I keep falling asleep before he calls.

I've just been exhausted lately, dealing with life is fucking exhausting.

For the first time in years I haven't thought about Satan regularly, which is ironic because lately we've been talking more than we have in probably over two years.

Either I really like Fork, or I'm finally getting over all this bullshit.

Bullshit meaning love...

I'll always love him, but it might be time to just cut my losses and honestly give up.

I'm well aware of how many times I've said this in the past, but this time I feel it.

Fork tried to go to sleep last night and five minutes later I get this text, "I can't sleep, I just keep thinking about you :p"

So he called me and then he said my voice is soothing, so he made me sing him a song...I was so embarrassed, I could've died.

Ivy says her husband won't let her come see me one last time before she leaves, it's her own damn fault for letting someone control her entire life for her.

Still...I can't shake the feeling that I'm probably not going to see her again, it's depressing.

Mister J doesn't know if he's gonna take the job in Alaska...I have mixed feelings about it.

It might be fun to live in my own, but since I hate being alone it'll probably be terrifying.

Fork would probably come stay with me for a bit, but that's still six months that I can't just have someone there all the time.

I slept almost twelve hours last night, but I feel like I've slept off all the craziness of the last few days.

I've been reading Sukitte Ii Na Yo lately, it's so good...ahhh, my brain is just exploding.

Fork sent me a pic from his old MySpace today, so I took a look at my old one...

Soooo, have some pictures from my goth girl days;

Ennui of a Midnight Wanderer

Why did Satan call me???

(He called at like 1:00am)

Then he sent me a message saying "Why u do dis? -__-"

Do what?!

I guess I'll find out when he wakes up...

I was too busy sleeping off my hangover, so I missed his call.

Today is the anniversary of Fork's daughters death, I wish I could drive up there and cuddle with him so he could sleep off his sorrow; but I'll have to do my best from over here.

Ivy is leaving on Friday, she was crying when she dropped me off...so many memories have been taking up residence in my brain lately.

I think she'll end up staying with her husband permanently, but it's her life...

We were talking about me dating, she said that I "attract the weirdos".

All the guys I've dated have been pretty weird, but it works for me.

Mister J says someday I'll find someone who honestly loves me, loves all my little quirks...maybe.

Ivy's husband got ADTR stuck in my head.

I like the way her husband drives, we were racing around the parking lot and he found one of those electric handicap scooters and was trying to do donuts....Ivy was pissed when we showed back up (we were waiting for her to finish in the store).

Now that I think about it, she was always an uptight bitch and everybody liked her because she was a hot redhead.

I love her like family though, even if we disagree on everything.

Mister J wants to take me to Disney Land for my birthday; my friends used to go all the time, but I haven't been since I was four.

I kinda wanna just be totally insane for the next month, before I'm officially no longer a teenager.

Mister J might be taking a job where he's gone for six months at a time, I'm not sure how I feel about living on my own...

And this made me think of Kuma-kun;

I don't know if you can read the print, but it says, "Please make sure you treat your girlfriend differently than everyone else. Nothing makes a girlfriend more insecure than a boyfriend who's kind to everyone."

I couldn't explain that to him when we broke up, wasn't sure how to put it eloquently.

This is very true though, which is why I like Fork so much...even if he doesn't talk to me for hours I don't really feel any insecurity, because I know he likes me and misses me when we don't talk.

Pretty much the same with Satan, he's always loved me and I've always known that.

When a guy doesn't seem like he has strong feelings for you it's harder to believe that he loves you.

Mister J said that there's few guys who honestly value their significant others, and if I ever find one who does value me on a deep emotional level I should try to keep him.

We all know it's much more likely that I end up an old cat lady in a creaky old house, alone for the rest of my days on this earth.

But I hope to have many lovers, and adventurous romances...chance encounters in smoky hotel rooms, passion and fire...short-lived is the best, because you don't have to be attached to anything or anyone.

Oh, did I mention that Fork is INTP?

So what do I have to say about finally meeting someone who is like I am?

This is scary, Ivy says that I'm trying to run because I really like him....she knows me so well.

I owe her a cake, because she was right ten times.

(Actually I think it's 14-1 now)

So I was finally right about something...