In Retrospect

I never feel pretty or happy anymore, I feel old. I feel like I've aged a hundred years in six short months.

The past is long gone, and my youth has been wasted.

I'll never get this moment back again, this moment has been wasted on agony. I'll never find peace in my life, I'll never rediscover the feeling of being in love. I will always be on the outskirts of reality, looking out at the world.

It's sad that I'll never find what I'm looking for in life, maybe I'm doomed to be unhappy.

I don't know, I guess I'm whining again....about things I can't change.
But when every aspect of your life is crumbling and you stand helpless among the ruins of all the things that once meant something, what then?
What do you do, save for pouring out your heart to people that you don't even know?
....Or possibly to no one at all.
I'm not entirely sure that anyone reads this regularly, but really who would.
In the end I'm simply a little girl, an Alice or Lolita, along for the ride.
Living a reality built on the whims of people around her, a little girl in a terribly unforgiving world.
A girl who never really finished dealing with her own demons, so lost sometimes.
Carried away with the tide of the Pacific Ocean....carried away with ashes and imagery, forgotten with the passing of dreams and memories.
Time is my coffin, love is my regret, and my own senselessness is my demise.