Methaphorical Madness?

Apparently I've still got it.
And why can't I find a video collage of the most romantic scenes out of Kevin Smith movies...
I want to find something spectacular, but I find bullshit.
It always happens, and lately nothing seems to happen the way I want it to.
It's terrible.
I never realized the way shit used to always somehow work about for me, it was always kind of fucked up; but not bad like this.
I never realized that I'm a cliche, and I never realized how different the world  outside of California is.
I don't want to spend three months here, I don't want to spend another day here. And I'll break down and complain about how hard everything is, how difficult my life is.
Everything I ever had is falling apart, and I've never been so homesick in my life.
"I fucked this one up long ago"
It's odd that I'll never run down the stairs of the 200 building to see the laughing faces of people who adore me.
It's odd that the girl that I was no longer exists.
It's odd that nothing ever seems to simply fall into my lap anymore.
All of this is so strange, I don't belong here.
I feel like people here don't get it, don't get me....watching looks of what could possibly be interpreted as annoyance displayed on their faces.
I just want to go back to the one place where everyone is like me.
Where I'm not a black sheep, I miss being part of a herd of rainbow sheep.
I'm so lonely here....
I'm so at a loss for how to behave, what to say, and I'm so uncomfortable constantly in all of these ridiculous situations.