Melancholia

"Ego strengths [in Freudian psychology] include the capacities to control oral, sexual, and destructive impulses; to tolerate painful affects without falling apart; and to prevent the eruption into consciousness of bizarre symbolic fantasy." -Wikipedia
Um, I think I have objects relations problems....
You know what's scary?
I have all the symptoms of Schizophrenia and most of the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.
So I have some form of Psychosis or a Manic-Depressive Illness......
That would explain a lot.
Isn't it said that crazy people don't know that they're crazy?
So maybe I'm safe.
I can't pretend that things haven't changed, that after Friday everything is going to remain stagnant.
My Nightmare Before Christmas calendar is still stuck on March, hanging behind the door on my wall.
And although nothing astounding happened on Friday, I can believe that things will be tense and uncomfortable in art class (though I can't say I've learned much about actual art in that class anyway).
I can't pretend that I didn't learn something valuable within my fiasco in the school office, I felt like I was getting suspended again.
All this for getting my phone taken away, for a mostly illegitimate reason.
But there is something to be said about losing to the system, you simply must be that much smarter.
So I must be more cunning, skillful, manipulative.....
You will either always lose to the system or you will outsmart it.
There ceases to be any other options, because they want the smart ones on their side.
They are brainwashing us to achieve that, and I won't play into it this time.
And never again will I ever answer to anyone, so it begins.