I'm Only Happy When It Rains

I'm so exhausted, ugh....
Um, well, I just registered for my SAT/ACT, lots of forms.
Anyway, school is, as always, mind-numbing.
My cat is still adorable. <3
And, well, so, I guess it's like this.....
Satan walked up to me and handed me an empty paper prescription bag, and said, "Here, there's a little weed in the bottom."
He thinks I'm legitimately dumb (I tend to play dumb and emotional a lot).
Well, I can be emotional sometimes, and I suppose I can be dumb too; but not the way he thinks of me.
So, I declined, saying that I can get free weed anyway and I continued doing what I was doing before.
Later he came and sat down next to me and asked for a cigarette, I roll my own, so I handed him the tobacco pouch.
He said I was sketch and walked off, I told him Ms. Frost might have one and he ran to meet her.
I'm not sure if she gave it to him, but the story proves my point.
Speaking of Ms. Frost, she got high for the first time today and I just have to say how amusing it was to watch.
Back to my point, I'll always love him, there will always be that space in my heart that cares about him.
My heart will probably always flutter when he so much as looks at me, and that's fine.
I can love him, but I shouldn't hurt myself in the process.
I always used to go out of my way to help him in any way that I could, but it's so silly.
Today also proves that he's still looking for random reasons to talk to me, still looks at me with that same regret.
And what if it had been different?
You can't waste your life on a "What if?" scenario.
I couldn't help but think to myself, "He lost weight, he looks good, I really miss him."
But every time I pass by his house I miss him, I remember everything and I feel a little longing for something long gone.
Unfortunately I pass by his house a lot, because Catwoman lives down the street from him.
I wrote a forty page story about him, really it was for him; in hopes that someday I'd get a last little bit of courage and go leave it on his doorstep.
I wrote him more letters than I can count and burned about half of them.
Now that everyone is moving on with their lives and growing up, I still seem to be clinging to the past.
I feel more lonely that I've been in years, I don't remember it hurting this much.
It's probably always hurt this much.....
I still don't sleep, I don't remember ever sleeping; even when I was a kid, my sleeping patterns were always weird.
What I'm trying to say is that I've always been like this, I always will be; I don't care anymore.
Thank you, fuck you.
IDGAF today and for the rest of my life.
Take care of yourself, fuck everyone who fucks you over, and other than that give as much love to the world as you have for yourself.