Friday, June 24, 2011

Just an Update

I have such an odd life....so my parents are finally separating, I've spent the last few days organizing things so we can start packing, and I'm currently sitting in the back of a tow truck (we've been stranded for about three hours).
So anyway, I've been dealing with violent outbursts from my mom lately, and she has a job (finally); but you don't even want to know what she does for a living, I'll just say that it's similar to voice acting.
So let's see if I can make it back home for the street fair tomorrow, wish me luck.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Mountains

So I woke up to field mice on the floor and a bunny in the backyard.
The mice stole a cheeto and it got stuck under the door, it was the cutest thing I've ever seen.
I can see a horse corral from the yard.
I saw several bees, 3 crows (flying together and doing all these crazy loops in the air); I saw a butterfly, spider, gigantic ants, squirrels, a roadrunner, baby quails, a red-tailed hawk, and a turkey vulture.....oh, and I have an amazing view of the mountains from any spot on the property.
I also counted eleven cars in the yard, a big rig, six Harleys, and two trailers; lol.
This is why I love my grandpa's house.
I washed a horse today.
I'm serious, it was awesome!
The amazing things you can do up here.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

A Life Like No Other

There is this part of me that feels like I don't belong here, like I'm in over my head; when it's like that I always feel like a fake.
But other times it's like this is exactly where I belong and why wasn't I here sooner.
I think Satan played a big part in my comfort levels (or actually discomfort), because it's his scene and his crew.
When he shows up it's like everyone's attitudes towards me change....like I was cool five minutes ago, what just happened?
I keep telling myself that I don't do this shit, but it feels right.
It's like flying, this freedom from knowing the people and the places.
I wanted it all so badly, so what changed?
Maybe I grew up.....

Part 2:
Life is rad.
Actually, life is awesome....I was kinda flipping out earlier 'cause my step-dad dragged me all the way up to alpine for 3 days when I have a whole bunch of stuff to do at home, but now that I'm here I'm glad.
Family is something that I can say I have when I'm up here.
Where I can just walk in and post up on the couch, wait for grandpa to get home, chill with his biker buddies; it's nice.
I realised today that I like where I am in my life.
I like Satan's friends, I like this new boy, I like Alpine and my grandpa's house and the fact that you can see the stars up here.
I like the thought of the life that I have to look forward to :)

Friday, June 17, 2011

Rising in Flames

I just realised that I wasn't home from six o'clock Monday morning (when I went to school for the last day before Summer)
We got out at 11:47 am
I didn't get home until nine o'clock on Tuesday evening.
That was an amazing feat for me.
Um, I danced with him and one of his friends asked me if I knew Satan, I almost laughed when I nodded.
I couldn't help it, if they really knew how well I used to know Satan.
It's so weird that this boy wants to be my boyfriend, I knew that as soon as I stopped looking some boy would fall into my lap....
It always happens this way.
But is this what I've been missing, under my mother's bolted doors.
Hanging out at the library, riding in cars with boys, smoking out, and talking to crazy people.
Some of them intellectuals, some of them douche bags, and some are just awesome.
Such a strange mix of people, but this is what I've been missing.
I guess I had a good reason to complain then.
But now I'm on my own, because Ivy and Catwoman, and all my other friends have already experienced all this.
It's really kinda sad.
It made me laugh though because the boy said that if we got The Jester and M in a room and talking that we'd have a never-ending, really trippy, intellectual conversation.
I can't believe that all this shit almost passed me by.

Wake The White Queen

Well, I apologize for getting in a car with some guys (well, actually it's not that bad because I actually knew most of them pretty well), and then never continuing my story.
Um, Catwoman wanted some Jackie D, so I took charge....
I saw one of our friends (who is twenty two, I think, and can therefore legally buy alcohol).
So Catwoman, Mister Newb, and I hopped in the car.
We bought whiskey on sale, tried to crash a party (that they were technically invited to, don't ask)
Drove up to the cliffs, drank, and watched the pretty view of all of Ocean Beach.
And the guys are always surprised that I can drink whiskey like water.
Um, back to the library, then we all kinda just hung out in the parking lot, and after a whole bunch of failed plans we crashed one of those house parties that popular high school kids throw.
Funny thing is that I knew most of the people there (though few of them like me)
Another funny thing is that we saw one of our friends who graduated my Freshman year.
So with the buzz from the alcohol wearing off and no weed, we danced the night away.
After the party ended we crashed at our friend's house (the guy who graduated) and drank beer in his hot tub.
Nothing scandalous happened and we all eventually fell asleep after talking for hours (or actually, Catwoman fell asleep and I talked to him)
The next day I hung out with one of the boys from the day before who seemed to be romantically interested in me.
For the first time in a long time Catwoman didn't accompany me on all my adventures.
Well, I went with the boy and I bunch of people (some that I knew, and some that I didn't) to my close friend's ex-boyfriend's house so we could all smoke.
Instead I sat on the couch with the boy and played with the dog while watching MTV, while everyone else went upstairs to smoke.
It was nice, we all hung out for awhile and I eventually left and went to yoga with Catwoman.
I went home after yoga, and then the day after my mom started yelling at me about library fines that weren't even my fault.
Well, let me explain that....
My mom had a ton of library fines for some books that she checked out, right before I ran away (when I was eleven).
I also had one book out, but it was returned before I left.
Because I am a minor, my library card is technically under my step-dad's card.
He had a hundred dollar fine from my mom.
She yelled at me about this, because she was already in a bad mood.
I said, "Okay, fine, whatever, mom."
She attacked me in the car (slapped me, scratched me in the face, bent my fingers back)
I got out of the car, she yelled, "Then give me your phone."
I told her to go to Hell and walked away.
She turned off my phone, and I met Catwoman, we went to the park and I cried (a little more than neccesary).
Um, after my step-dad reminded her about parenting classes she turned my phone back on.
(But it still doesn't completely work, which I should fix that today)
So um, why did I just tell that story?
Anyway, yesterday I hung out with the boy again (by chance)
I randomly saw him on the way to The Jester's house, so I took him with me.
We smoked, Catwoman showed up, we smoked some more, walked around.
Somehow we ended up at the library again; Catwoman got bored, so she left.
The Remains of The Crew started showing up.
And after pizza, whiskey, a blunt, a few bowls, and just hanging out and shit, the boy walked me home.
Oh, and I kissed him....um, yeah....
Well, I don't know where any of this is gonna go, but what the hell, right?

Saturday, June 11, 2011

June: 11-12-13

The ACT was infinitely less painful than the SAT.
Now to go back to that gloomy place and see if I can pass Bio.
I'm pretty sure I haven't been in my right mind for weeks, well now what shall I do?
The words of my subconscious are haunting my mind, "we were all here together once;" and so we were, a long lost memory from sunnier days.
Why did I think this was a good idea?
Getting in a random person's car, buying booze, crashing a party?
And sexual connotations about some shit, so let's just go back to the 90s and call it a day.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Graduation

I look old, hell, I feel old.
And this is the end.
And in 12 months someone will be standing there spouting generic words.
At that point we'll reach the end of the journey called highschool.
All the cliches, the smiles, the tears, the struggles, and the simple joys all rest on this one day when you walk away with your diploma.
When your future is over the horizon....
Well, another year with no yearbook, and I was too busy crying to take pictures at graduation.
But today will be forever in my memories.
Watching everything flutter away in a few bittersweet moments.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Transforming Destiny

Oh but you're so pretty dear, you're all dolled up on your way to reclaim your happiness.
I see the future clearly, we're victims of destiny.
Mental fortitude.
I feel out of place in the 50s, never trust men with anything.
Oh, God! Oh WHY?
I look up and it's the 80s, where did we go?
I never liked suburbia in the first place, but it's nice to meet someone who's on the same page as I am; even if they're trapped in this place.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

To The Mountains

Well up here we drink our coffee black, we're up in the mountains so you can see the stars, and you can listen to the crazy stories of clean and sober ex-hells angels.
It's up here on the indian reservation, where you can hike down the side of the mountain to the casino, where you can find the most welcoming people you'll ever meet.
The only catch is don't bring any bullshit. This is where my step-dad's family lives, this is where I seem to find my place.
This is what I want the Misfits House to be like, all our friends in and out of this one house all the time.
So anyway, went on a Harley ride, it was fucking awesome.
Better than sex, drugs, or anything; it feels like flying....
My new addiction.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

I Have No Idea

So today we're going to chronicle my wonderful adventure with the SAT!
(God help me)
I get to be crammed in a stuffy room in some random university with a lot of ridiculous teenagers.
Not the best way to spend a Saturday, not when I have a million other things to do; but they say that sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do.
Somewhat unpleasant and terribly uncomfortable, it makes me miss the delights of yesterday with a dull ache in my stomach.
The hallway may have been stuffy, but the room was ice cold.
Five hours sitting in a pitch white room, institutions.
And then out into the sunlight, I saw people that I recognized.
I said hi and listened to their pleasant chatter about their plans for the day and comments on the test.
I wish my life was like that: "Oh, let me go get my car, so I can meet you for lunch; because remember, I owe you ten dollars. And then I'll go home and study"
What if my life could really be like that?
If I could always be pretty and put together, with wonderful things to look forward to.
Anyway I'm watching a wedding party progress on this lovely, sunny Saturday afternoon; with nothing to look forward to but chores and homework in that chaos that I call my home.
Really my home is rather drab and dreary, and the most understandable way to describe the energy there is to say that the feng shui is all messed up.
For the moment I'll just enjoy the vivid colours of the beautiful world around me, I should embrace it before it's gone.

Friday, June 3, 2011

A Fantasy at The Huntington

 

Goodbye, gilded stairs.
Out of the palace doors and into the blinding sunlight.
We traveled to the hall of faces, where we witnessed the decay of life.
Eyes stare at you from the shadows, dolls enact the dance of time, and everything turns to dust eventually. We traveled through wonderland, through a forest of roses.
We witnessed Aphrodite on a pedestal, smiling down on us.
A wise old duck led us to an Emperor's Palace, we traveled through a pond meditating on our past lives.
Across the desert to the mausoleum, it was a grand sight; carved marble, how it overwhelmed me.
Returned to meet the Gods on a field of green, witness the dragonfly in the marble fountain.
Everything is gilded marble here, we bid farewell to Poseidon and the adventure is over.







Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Current Events (in my life)

It is too early in the morning and I'm too brain dead to do much of anything.
Huntington art museum on Friday, it's my favorite museum and the grounds are amazing.
I also am in the process of writing my Personal Statement for AP Language, I am stumped.
Where do I take the delicate subject of my life without breaking the fabric of the surface and delving into some excruciating monologue and if I don't then where is the fun in that?
How do I put my life into one thousand words, I guess that's the challenge.