So It Goes...

“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”

-Azar Nafisi

So in prison they have this tattoo of three dots on your hand, and it's supposed to mean "my crazy life" in Spanish.

Sometimes that's how I feel; "my crazy life..."

As if there's nothing to say about it.

I'm at the point of just not giving a fuck anymore.

Did I tell you I saw Satan for the first time in over a year?

He called me at 2:00am a couple of days ago, I was asleep so I didn't find out why...

He probably just took a week to randomly miss me at two in the morning.

Yeah, so I stopped in and smoked a bowl with him, his gf, and one of his old friends (#tbt The Crew).

I have nothing else to say about it.

If you've been here awhile you'll know exactly who The Crew is...

"How the Hell did we get here? Pan left to the steeple of the church...Christmas Eve last year..."

Yes, quoting Rent.

I gave up on Leo.

Nothing to say about that either.

Sometimes I think maybe I should leave this damn city.....we all know how that goes though.

I'll be homesick for palmtrees and the Pacific within a month.

It's been so long since I've written early in the morning, smelling the ocean.

I feel too much like myself lately....

Not another heartbroken mess, I assure you.

That's a lie.

I'm seriously hurt, because I told Leo that I just want to be friends.

Because he made me wait too long for some sort of sign that I should stay.

It hurts...it fucking hurts.

But hey, I've been through it before...haven't I?

I'd rather be single than be unhappy.

I'm not sure that Leo and I were compatible to begin with, or maybe we have issues...or maybe he can't give me himself, because he doesn't know himself.

"'Cause we find ourself in the same old mess, singing drunken lullabies."

I understand that he's been so extremely traumatized over relationships, but I can't handle it.

Everything is weird, I don't wanna start in on everything else...

Adjusting to living with people, dealing with being alone; the world is in upheaval.

Alley Cat had her baby finally, if anyone was curious.

Anyway, I'm done.

With relationships, with emotions, with people...

"Fuck you, thank you, I love you all."

But what really am I supposed to do with all these useless days.

It's fighting the urge to die as I wake.