Dotted With Hearts

Happy Valentine's Day!
There's nothing like whiskey in your coffee.
Since I'm always single on Valentines, I think we should recount all my past romances (or at least the important ones)

1. Michael- Sixth grade. He was a Sophmore in highschool. He gave me a singing monster with a heart for my birthday. He was two years older than me.

2.Dillan- Seventh grade. We kinda dated. Idk, we were gonna go to a dance together, but I ended up grounded....I'm not sure what happened after that.

3.Jared- Seventh grade. He was too dysfunctional for me to handle. So I broke up with him, he cried....and continued to send me love letters for an entire year after that. It lasted a week. He was a year older than me.

4.Travis- Seventh grade? Can't really remember, but I think that was the first time I dated one of my friends.

5.My Bestie Forever- Seventh grade? We dated for about an hour, and then realized it was too weird; so we continued being best friends. He's about a year older than me.

6.Tanner- Eighth grade. Apparently he only dated me b/c I had blue hair. He was my first kiss. I dated him twice, he was the only guy to ever dump me (twice). It lasted 3 days, and then eight hours. I never made that mistake again.

7.Alex- Eighth grade. He was Tanner's friend, he really liked me; but I thought he didn't. I dumped him after a week, it started lots of drama. He was about a year older than me?

8.Teddy- Eighth grade. Dated him b/c I was lonely and bored. His friends hated me, and it turned out to be a joke cooked up by all of them. It kind of back-fired on them, b/c I never cared in the first place. It lasted a week.

9.Satan- Eighth grade. Long story short: We had a fantasy romance, it all ended when my step-dad decided he didn't like him. I dumped him by text message, he never forgave me. I fucked up, and things have been weird since. It lasted about a week (or three and a half years?) He was a year and a half older than me.

10.Wyatt- Eighth grade. We went to Seventh grade together, he always had a thing for me. I dated him b/c he was sweet, I was his first kiss. He was too much of a "square" for me, so I ended it nicely. It lasted a few months, but it was long-distance.

11.A Nerdy Friend of Mine- Ninth grade. We're still really close. He was a gentleman. I'm not entirely sure what happened, but I believe it was a mutual break-up b/c there was no spark. It lasted about a week or two. He was about a year older than me.

12.Max- Ninth grade. He liked me for like ever. I was supposed to go to homecoming with him my freshman year, I got grounded. Also about a year older than me.

13.My Southern Boy- Ninth grade. He was Satan's friend, I'm a flirt. And this is another long story. It was a mutual break-up; I was bored and he was uninterested. It lasted about two weeks (maybe?) He's almost two years older than me.

14.The Boy With Green Eyes- Ninth grade. A really intense and complicated romance. There is not nearly enough room here to explain; all I can say is that we had strong feelings for each other, and it ended badly. It lasted a few months. He was about three years older than me.

15.Brendan- Ninth grade. Drama. I liked him for awhile, and he kissed me while he was drunk. Nothing else ever happened. He was about a year older than me.

16.Mike- Ninth grade? He wanted me to be his fuck buddy, I wasn't buying. He created a lot of drama. He was almost two years older than me.

17.Nick- Ninth grade. Lost my virginity to him, I knew him forever. We never actually dated. He was a few years older than me.

18.The Jester- Tenth grade. Yes, we dated. No, it didn't last longer than a week. No, I don't really know what happened. Yes, I broke up with him. And the drama didn't happen 'til later. It lasted a week. He was a year older than me.

19.Douche Bag- Tenth grade. I don't remember anyone else that I dated that year. He bought me cigarettes and let me smoke out with his friends. He was Satan's friend and the biggest jerk I've ever met. I don't know if he actually thought we were dating, there was confusion and drama. I dumped him after awhile. He was four years older than me.

20.Snuff- Tenth grade? I kissed him once. Idk.

21.That Wonderful Boy- Tenth grade. I actually did date him, everyone was convinced that he was in love with me. He was really good for me, and absolutely amazing. I still sometimes miss him, and I don't remember what happened between us. Sad Bunny.

22.A Boy I Still Talk To- Occasionally. Eleventh grade. We dated about a week, never really hung out. We were supposed to party together and stuff.

23.Another Random Boy- Eleventh grade. I met him on the internet, his family was nice. He was a nerd....He took me out to dinner, payed for everything, and was generally really nice. It lasted awhile.

24.Skater Boy #1- Eleventh grade. We flirted a lot for a couple of years, and I really liked him. Nothing ever happened. He was a year older than me.

25.Skater Boy #2- I liked him forever....We flirted a bit, and always planned to hang out. It never happened. He was a year older than me.

26.My Former Prince- Eleventh grade. He was adorable and awesome. We flirted a lot and stuff. He was the only boyfriend I ever had sex with. I let him break up with me, I don't remember how long it lasted. He was a year younger than me.

27.Trevor- Eleventh grade. I think I had sex with him crossfaded, thought I was pregnant. He was in his twenties, and idk.

28.That One Boy- Eleventh grade. I don't remember what I called him in this blog. He was so much fun, and so chill. I guess he really liked me. We dated for awhile, and never had an official break-up. He was two years older than me.

29.Travis- Eleventh grade. Yes, another Travis. We really liked each other, only hung out once and made out in a park. Idk what happened.

Well, maybe my lucky number is thirty, eh?
Happy weird, romantic, ridiculous holiday.
From the one and only,
Infamous Miss Fuck Bunny Badass Bombshell Bitch <333