Bon Anée!

Is that how you spell it?
I can't remember much French.
I haven't written anything for awhile, and thought tonight would present a good opportunity.
I'm in one of my moods...
The "everyone is making me angry and I'm so frustrated I could cry" mood.
After another year of bad luck, chaos, and trust issues, I wonder if anyone could possibly come out on the other side.
Truth be told, I'm not sure.
What would the Infamous Miss Bunny have done on a night like this.
Most would say she would be cross-faded, stripping in public, peeing in someone's yard, kissing on a new boy, and laughing hysterically the entire time.
Honestly, she would have been flipping off a camera, high as fuck, wishing she was somewhere else entirely.
What about me?
What about this girl I've become so recently?
So quick to shut down my own emotions, so quick to write off the best things about life...
Out of fear? Remorse? Some quiet longing to find moments that have already been swallowed by the moonlit sky?
You can see the stars here...
And the sky is still pink in the morning, although the afternoon is a little less golden.
What can I say now?
About my walks along the shore, about my nights drunk on the pier...
"The past is the past for a reason."
A certain boy got very hurt when I told him that, although he tried not to show it.
I wonder if he knows that he's lost me for good this time.
There is no going back, because time is always flowing...
Life is fluid.
And tomorrow will come and go, it will bring what it may...
Perhaps we'll have another year of tragedy, perhaps we'll have a change of luck.
Who could say what the future holds?
Certainly not I, certainly not our dear Miss Bunny Bombshell in all her "bad girl" glory.
Goodbye, 2013...I can't say you'll be missed.

Feline Friendship At It's Finest

Someone's cat bit me once, because at the time I didn't understand her personality.
I raised my cats by hand, so they're pretty friendly.
However, most cats require you to gain their trust before they're comfortable with you, and it can be a pretty long process.
Sometimes I think I spend too much time around cats, and not enough time around people.
I have such a difficult time understanding the latter...
If people were like cats I would be quite happy.

Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon: A Confession

Can this blog just be about anime?
(laugh)
I'm just kidding, of course...
But I have started watching anime again, like with the full force of my original obsession dating back to childhood.
Sailor Moon really did start it, but anyway...
I've been watching/reading a lot of bishoujo lately, probably because it's so darn cute.
Seriously, it's like an explosion of cuteness in cartoon form.
As for manga, certain bishoujo manga really annoy me, but then I'm not in the right demographic age group to read this crap anyway.
Still...I enjoy it.
It's become somewhat nostalgic for me.
When it comes to Tokyo Mew Mew or Fruits Basket I get nostalgic, it's like seeing an old friend...it's comfortable.
Certain anime/manga are like that for me, they've taught me a lot about life.
Especially manga...I'm not sure people realize how serious comics are.
I mean Karen Page, one of Daredevil's love interests, was a drug addict.
There's a lot of examples like that...adult themes in comics.
Manga is the same way, and it's taught me a lot about people.
I believe that this has been enough weirdness for one day...coming here and confessing my love for Japanese comic books...
I leave you with an explosion of cuteness- Shirayuki Berrii-Chan

Laments of a Midnight Pilgrim

I feel out of sorts lately, maybe it's lack of sleep...
It's funny that everyone always said that I reminded them of a cat, I guess I wasn't really meant to be a bunny after all.
Restlessness and anxiety keep me up at night and I simply cannot sleep, I've tried everything.
Also my stomach is always upset...this is nightmarish sometimes.
How do normally people deal with anxiety and anger?
Because I completely stop functioning, and it's awful.
I know that I've been complaining a lot recently, but my brain is confused and I don't really have friends.
Anyway, maybe I should do something creative, that would surely ease my head.

Flashback to Teen Angst: The Problem With Growing Up

It's not that I'm so young that I don't realize how much time is left in my life, I'm just aware of how valuable time truly is.
How could anyone possibly truly understand me when I'm the only "me" that exists?
You can't fully understand anyone, because you've never experienced the things that make them who they are; your experiences might be similar, but they're not exactly the same.
It's possible to understand how a person thinks or how they will react to a given situation, but you can't know their feelings or how it is to live their life.
Which is why I don't see how someone can say that they understand another person.
Mister J knows me, but we've grown distant recently...
I've outgrown him, I've outgrown a lot of people around me lately.
How could he possibly believe that he understands what it's like to wake up every day and look at the world through my eyes?
And my friends, I feel, are only around because I'm comfortable; as if the only reason we should be friends is because we have been for so long.
You shouldn't be someone's friend just because you've gotten comfortable with them being there; you should be their friend because you truly enjoy spending time with them.
I don't get the feeling that Catwoman really likes me at all, I feel vibes of boredom coming from her whenever we spend time together.
She seems bored with Ivy too; and Ivy only seems to like either of us because we've been her friends since she first moved here from Nevada, our Freshman year.
Both of them should find some friends that they actually like...
I'm tired of making obscure jokes and allusions that no one gets.
Why do they want to be my friends if they don't even understand me when I speak?
Maybe I'm too old to be whining about how no one understands, but really no one understands.
Does everyone have this problem?

For The Future of Earth, We'll Be of Service, Nya!

Recently I've started watching anime again; I forgot how much I liked it, anime really can be brilliant.
I've started with the first series I ever watched, after Sailor Moon of course; Tokyo Mew Mew.
It's amazing how cute anime can actually be.
Anyway, my life is boring, as usual.
It's like after High School my life became stagnant...
What's wrong with wanting friends anyway?
It's not as if being alone is fun; "No man is an island," right?
But could I ever find someone to befriend a person who is so completely "off their rocker"?
Perhaps with enough time; I suppose I should be content to be lonely at the moment.
Less stress comes with being uninvolved, but sometimes it would be nice to have a friend.
Life might be less dreary that way.
How does one go about finding these so-called friends anyway?
The world may never know...

Teenagers

I used to be pretty cool.
But I guess I still am...
Ivy said I'm less psychotic....that's pretty funny.
Maybe I'm still completely insane, but in a different way than before.
This sounds like the ramblings of a teenager, probably because it is.
Sometimes I feel schizophrenic and I have to wonder if I could be.
Anyway, I can't believe how pregnant Ivy is, it's crazy.
Somebody recently told me that psychologists view the ages of eighteen through twenty as a transitioning phase.
This might be the most awkward age I've ever been at...
It's like you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground.

For Lack of a Better Title

I hung out with Ivy and Catwoman today, and it felt like old times...
Ivy is much easier to get along with, now that we've both matured.
I enjoy her company more than I enjoy Catwoman's, but we all go through stages of our friendships.
We talked a lot about the past...and about our cats...
It's so nice to feel like things might be more normal in the near future.
Anyway, I'm exhausted (I haven't slept yet)
But I'm sure I'll write more tomorrow, since I've been writing regularly lately.

Killing People is Bad

Is it customary for your roommate to put your clean laundry in a filthy laundry basket because she needs to use the dryer?
Especially when I'm literally down the hall and would have gladly moved it, if she would have simply asked.
I'm tired of living surrounded by idiots.
Omnipresent Being in the Sky help me...

What You Don't Know Can, and Will Hurt You

It's the new version of life.
Sometimes adulthood is lame.
I don't think anyone really prepared me for it.
Anyway, have I ever said that I'm in love with Ska music, it's like instant happiness.
I can't believe that I'm nineteen years old and my life is so off the rails, it's complete chaos all the time.
There's a lot of regrets sometimes, but maybe lessons were learned as well.
I couldn't tell you, because I'm still very young; I have much to learn, in the ways of The Force.
Star Wars has been one of my favorite movie trilogies since I was very young, I hate that Star Wars became trendy.
It would be different if new generations were finding love for the films, but it's not like that at all.
This probably happens to a lot of things over the course of one's life, everything is always changing.
Knowledge is everything in this life.
The more you know, the more prepared you are for what lies ahead.
I understand all of this is pretty cheesy...
Cheese is my favorite food; I wish I could join a Society of Cheese Lovers, so I could share cheese and wine with people.
I love red wine, though I don't drink heavily anymore.
This post is random, my apologies.

Hermitage

People stress me out, I mean literally everyone.
It's just like, "Nooooo! I will not text you back, call you, or friend you on Facebook!"
But that's just because it's so rare for me to find people who I get along with.
If I could find people who aren't obsessed with things that don't matter, I would be ecstatic.
Not that video games or fashion blogs matter, but I mean like other people's boyfriends and whether or not someone knows what dabs are.
Do you know what dabs are?
Probably not, because it's one of the most inconsequential things on the face of this planet.
It's just the fact that people will literally judge your character based on who you're dating, your use of slang, and whether you know anything about cannabis culture.
Does it matter?
Is everyone in California so shallow, or is it just my age group?
Am I boring for having the desire to spend my energy on anything more meaningful, or at least something interesting.
When did it become okay to criticize people for not having the same interests or the same personality as you?
After we've been friends for all these years and after everything that has happened, I cannot believe that this is what I hear from the people around me.
And then they expect me to play along, as if I'm a carbon copy of every one of my friends.
People with unique personalities are often misjudged and looked down on, I don't understand why.
Shouldn't we celebrate that everyone is different, instead of striving to be the same.
How can you spend your life working towards being someone else?

Back to The Fiery Chasm from Whence It Came

I'm so naturally pretentious, it's terrible.
Ivy is married and pregnant, I neglected to mention that.
We don't really talk anymore.
Catwoman is going to the Grand Canyon for her birthday, I don't want to go; because I hate her boyfriend and we're not really friends anymore.
There's a rift between us...
I don't think she knows who she is anymore, and I think I'm too guarded these days to have friends.
Which is why Satan is my only friend, but always with his bad moods.
I think I wanted to give him a new nickname for this blog, but I wouldn't know what.
He's lost too...
A funny thing happened when I returned to this city; this infamous boy became my best friend, in the weirdest way possible; but something happened between then and now....
It's because I live far away now, that's the likeliest explanation.
But there's a tension between us now, that I just can't seem to remedy.
This circumstance gets worse every time I see him, I fear our friendship may be at its end.
I have so few friends left after all that has transpired, I couldn't bear to lose yet another.
Time is strange, but I believe people fall into their rightful places eventually.
Destiny has a mind of its own.

Put it in The Pantry With Your Cupcakes

Just another song reference for a title.
So lately I've been thinking about the past, about how I used to be.
It's crazy to think about all the stuff that's happened and how everything has changed.
There's been a lot of dramatic changes, not all good.
Maybe I'm a better person, maybe a little less emotional.
Realism might kill me...
I believe it's time for a change.
In many cultures it is common knowledge that in order to change your perception of life, you must change your surroundings.
It might be time to resuscitate some old friendships, and sever others.
One last thing before I exchange this virtual world for the virtual world of Skyrim; I have the most adorable cats!
Their names are Andvari, who I named after a Norse troll who lives under a bridge; and Merlin, my darling Orange Tabby.
I've raised them from birth, and their mama was an American Wirehair Tabby cat, with the most intriguing markings.
Her name was Freyja; I recently gave her back to her previous owners, and I'm sure she's so happy to be home.
I might be obsessed with my cats....
Anyway, this blog needs some major reorganization.
Sometimes I wonder why I still write this blog, or if anyone ever reads it.

Where have I been?

Hell, it seems like, sometimes...

I understand this blog has become a haphazard, catastrophic mess of thoughts.

It's been over a year since I moved back to California, much has changed.

Catwoman is getting into harder drugs and her personality has changed completely.

It's as if she lost herself, or maybe she never knew herself at all.

Snuff did coke with a stripper on his birthday, I'm mortified by the conversation that followed between us.

What's happened to everyone?

The Jester finally lost his virginity at twenty years old, and his love for the idea of who he thought Catwoman was finally subsided.

His roommate is a douchebag...

Satan has become my only semi-sane friend, but he's extremely bipolar.

I enjoy his company though; and strangely enough, I think he enjoys mine too.

Except for the ever-present sexual tension between us...

I won't sleep with him for two reasons; the first being that a part of me still loves him deeply, and the second is that he's a very emotional person.

I don't know what it would do to our friendship if we went down that road.

I guess to sum all this up, we're all lost.

Nobody knows who they are, because we're at an awkward age...

We're all trying to figure out who we are.

A completely unrelated subject;

I've been totally obsessed with Pinup fashion and Pastel Goth lately.

Also Bruce Campbell, Army of Darkness is a movie that everyone should watch and enjoy.

And my kitty...

His name is Merlin.