April, 16, 2012

All I can think of is that poor girl in Satan's bathroom mirror; and all the things he said that day, "I've always had feelings for you, but I'm not a good guy."
Am I doing the same thing that he did to me?
Am I unintentionally breaking someone's heart?
Why do I always seem to break hearts?
Why do these situations continue to fall into my lap, and I wonder if maybe I should spend more time alone...
I have a habit of acting on impulse and not making sense.
I don't know anything these days, clearly I have some problems....
Every song that I hear reminds me of him, this is driving me crazy.
Maybe I made a mistake by looking for the end too soon.
I need to talk to someone, but when I look around nobody's there.
I miss my black lipstick, blue hair, and corsets....I can't believe I'm going to give up everything that I am and everything I believe in to go into the military, just because I have no other options for college.
I feel that sickness sweeping over me again.
Where white walls make me want to puke up my guts all over the bathroom floor, when I have to remind myself to breathe and stop the tears from appearing on my cheeks.
Every year when it gets close to my birthday I get depressed, I suppose this will be the worst....guess who just ran out of all that time that she was so worried about.
The end of a chapter, the beginning of another story....it's a story that fills me with anxiety.
Everything I ever wanted has faded into a memory, everything that I was is dead.
There's nothing else that I can do.

April, 4, 2012

Boys from the past pop out of nowhere and it makes me feel like I leave an impression on thoughts of feelings, or fleeting memories.
Being stuck between two different guys only works in the movies.
You don't even want to know all the trouble that I've gotten myself into within the last few days.
Really I should brush my hair and then play hangman on my phone for the next hour, until I fall into a fitful sleep and wake up with knots in my stomach over all of my most recent bad decisions.

April, 1, 2012

Today last year I was in the principal's office for texting in class....and my mom was yelling at me and I was crying; and the secretary in the office was laughing at me, and Catwoman was trying to make me feel better...
I'm not sure why I just remembered that.
It's odd how time drifts past you as you live in your moments of splendor and live in your moments of despair, and breathe one last time before falling into the eternal abyss....