I've learned something about Catwoman, I hate her when she's dating someone...

I took a lot of mushrooms tonight, and I'm also really stoned.

And I've been awake for a long time....

Soooo many shrooms........

Oh my god, my whole body is tingling.

I love drugs.

I'm so in love.

But I can't be, I shouldn't be.

I love him more now than I ever did....

Is that even possible?

I've learned something though.

I have to let go.

No matter what...

It's time.

He never was good for me.

Even if I do love him, I have to let him go.

I feel like I just need to talk to somebody.....

I'm not even sure who, I thought about logging on to my favorite depression help forum (if I could remember the password).

In hearts and Out of Sorts

To play video games, or to masturbate?

The struggle is real, and this has become my life.

Yes, apparently I'm now an awkward, middleaged, fat man, with an IT degree.

Don't ask me what my world has actually manifested into.

It's not pretty.

More like a nightmare out of my teens.

At the same time, I suppose having him here is kinda fun.

He's so fun.

But when he's mean?

He's so mean.

And he's hurt, and confused.

....and I love him.

That in itself is a huge problem.

Because loving someone who doesn't love you back is just pain.

A very deep, soul wrenching, emotionally destructive sort of pain.

So that's where I am.

Trying to numb myself to that.

I would do it again, and I'll continue to do it, because I love him.....

I would rather be in pain and help him, than go back to my peaceful life.

As many times as I said he wasn't good for me, but in a lot of ways he is.

I'm not sure if he's good for my life though....if he's good for my lifetime goals.

Truthfully?

Like you want real honesty?

All I wanna do is smoke, masturbate, and eat cheese.

Ugh.

I'm too young to feel so pathetic.

Maybe I should work towards being attractive again.

I kinda turned into a hippie recently, lately I just don't give a fuck about anything though.

My femininity went on a mini vacation.

So there's that....because after that last guy I completely gave up on dating.

That basically means that I quit wearing cute outfits, quit wearing makeup, started eating whatever the fuck I wanted, started drinking and smoking excessively.

Is this called "letting yourself go?"

Meow.

Fuck life right now.

It's not a good time to give up on myself.

I have to crawl my way out of this bullshit and fix my life.

For real.

Because even if I don't win over the person I love, I might still become a better person after all this....and that's the most important part of all this, I have to grow from the experience.

I made friends with some random girl who works at target.

She seems really sweet.

I feel really lost in life right now.

I'm literally just living one day at a time.

Happier things;

I do actually enjoy Satan's company, I'd be less happy without him here.

My life has been chaos for like three months...cowabunga!

I'm kinda all in at this point.

"Whatever happens, happens."

"May the road lead you to warm sands."

That's really how I feel about it.

I know that life is about rolling with the punches.

I'm in too deep, and there's nothing I can do but roll with it.

Cat.

Just a quick update from the front lines;

Can we talk for a second?

Did I mentioned that Satan moved into my house?

Well, that happened.

I haven't had time to write lately.

And it's been years since I've felt this kind of sadness.

Mister J says he can't foot all the bills so somebody else has to get a job.

That somebody meaning me, since I know Satan won't.

Who would've known Mister J would've ended up loving Satan?

But they're a lot alike.

Satan is so fucking mean sometimes, and he constantly gives me shit.

...doesn't help that I'm still in love with him.

And the only thing I can do right is make his coffee.

When did my life become Itazura na Kiss?

I've been fighting with Mister J lately.....because I have to defend Satan.......because he has no motivation or aspirations.

Why am I defending someone who kinda, borderline hates me...?

Regret

He's so cute, I'm so head over heels...

What even should I do?

He doesn't want me though.

He still loves his ex.

Mister J was right, as always.

I should've known.

How do I stop loving him is the question I should probably be asking myself.

Revelations

Satan is starting to drive me crazy.

Because I love him...

Because he loves someone else....

Because my goddamn heart is broken, it may always be broken.

I don't know.

I'm supposed to learn from this, I'm supposed to grow from this.

The universe is doing this on purpose.

I can survive anything though.

That's the beautiful thing.

This will just make me stronger.

Satan has sent me into a drug and alcohol induced emotional void.

Yup.

That's how that shit is right now.

*beep*

I have had enough weirdness for a fucking month, and am no longer taking messages.

Thank you, have a great day!