Why?

Why don't I post about fashion or my awesome photography anymore?
Well, starting with my next post I will be doing nothing but fashion, photography, and all those wonderfully interesting things that I find in my daily life.

Love Always,
Bunny <3

In Retrospect

I never feel pretty or happy anymore, I feel old. I feel like I've aged a hundred years in six short months.

The past is long gone, and my youth has been wasted.

I'll never get this moment back again, this moment has been wasted on agony. I'll never find peace in my life, I'll never rediscover the feeling of being in love. I will always be on the outskirts of reality, looking out at the world.

It's sad that I'll never find what I'm looking for in life, maybe I'm doomed to be unhappy.

I don't know, I guess I'm whining again....about things I can't change.
But when every aspect of your life is crumbling and you stand helpless among the ruins of all the things that once meant something, what then?
What do you do, save for pouring out your heart to people that you don't even know?
....Or possibly to no one at all.
I'm not entirely sure that anyone reads this regularly, but really who would.
In the end I'm simply a little girl, an Alice or Lolita, along for the ride.
Living a reality built on the whims of people around her, a little girl in a terribly unforgiving world.
A girl who never really finished dealing with her own demons, so lost sometimes.
Carried away with the tide of the Pacific Ocean....carried away with ashes and imagery, forgotten with the passing of dreams and memories.
Time is my coffin, love is my regret, and my own senselessness is my demise.

Homesickness

This would happen to me....as soon as I leave san diego everyone decides that they want to hang out with me, Satan decides that we're friends, and I now feel the need to jump off a fucking cliff.
I had a dream last night, that I was in San Diego, in my own bed....but I woke up here, with all my belongings falling apart.

This is too much stress for me, and I want to go home.

Once Upon a Time

I don't know....
I couldn't be more sad.
I couldn't be more at a loss for words, or for figuring out the purpose of my life.
So far I've just been along for the ride, an accessory to the whims of others.
This is where my problem lies, but really what other choice have I had?
No parents, friends consumed by their own lives, and guys concerned with their own needs.
Who in this world is honestly on my side?
Certainly not parents, friends, or guys; who does that leave?
The government?
They couldn't care less about any of the populace, especially me.
I don't really contribute to the society that I'm living in.
I'm the spawn of dysfunction, enveloped within insanity.
The past haunts me, and the future scares me....
So really what now?
What do we have left to do, but to pray.
To whichever deity or spirit suits you, to hope for a better end.
Our beginning was chaos, destruction cradling reality.
We are all born and we shall someday die, and that is the simplest thing in life.
The difficulties begin when everyone has a conflicting view of reality, so we blind ourselves to it.
But ask yourself if your perception of reality is distorted.
We view our lives in a funhouse mirror, and I doubt that you answered that question honestly.
And this is what we learn?
That we're deceitful with ourselves, as well as with the entire world around us.
I want peace for myself, I want to find honesty within myself, I want a life that I chose.......
And this is what I've learned.

Just A Simple Update

I just want to go home to San Diego, but unfortunately I'm stuck here in the middle of nowhere for the next 5 months.
This place is complete with snow and a Super Walmart....
Satan is ignoring me now.
It's like you say something that he doesn't find interesting, so he just stops talking to you.
Well, at least it can only get better from here.
Maybe I'll be alright, but it won't be easy.
Everything is wrong right now, I just need to keep breathing.

Virgin Margaritas In The Morning

I've been in arizona for less than an hour and I already want to go back to San Diego....I miss everything about it.
And Satan started talking to me again....
I never thought I'd see the day, I thought it was over for good.
I thought we'd never speak again, that we'd never see each other again; but maybe our destinies are intertwined.
We're so far away from each other now though, I wonder if his new found interest will last.
Then again this has been going on for years....
I mean really, almost four years?
This same scenario "over and over again 'til I'm blue in the face with a choking regret".....I still miss him, love him, would give anything to be with him.
So many things have passed since that night we met, when we watched the ocean and the stars.
I swear he loved me once....
I hope someday we find that again, until then we'll go back and forth between acquaintances and friends.....someday we'll remember and we'll figure it out.

Boys....

I can't contain my frustration with guys in general.
They think girls send mixed signals?
I just want to find someone who shares my interests and who isn't
Consumed with pointless drama.
But every guy that I meet is either a jerk or can't make up his mind, it's absolutely terrible (and I've been complaining about this for years).
I'm never going to find anyone who's right for me, and I'm so lonely....
Remember when I used to always talk about Satan?
Well, we haven't spoken in god knows how long....I had a dream about him last night and I woke up to a facebook message from him.
This is strange.
I've been thinking about him a lot lately, but this is just really weird.